


the boy who blocked his own shot

by alakewood



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-22 06:10:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alakewood/pseuds/alakewood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Ackles family moves into the Padalecki's San Antonio neighborhood the summer before Jared and Jensen are to begin high school. Their friendship has a rocky start but they become inseparable by the end of summer. Each harboring a similar secret, they start growing apart as they join school activities and make new friends  - until things come to a crashing, awkward halt at a summer kick-off party after their junior year. Nothing goes the way they planned when they were fourteen and they drift apart, unable or unwilling to find their way back to each other. But, when Jared learns that their estrangement may have been for nothing, can anything be salvaged from the wreckage of their friendship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	the boy who blocked his own shot

With every northeast to southwest pass of the yard, Jared squints against the bright mid-morning sun to eye the big, red 'SOLD' sign hammered into the brown grass in front of Mr. Farro's old house on wooden pickets. The sign has already been there for two weeks, but Jared hasn't seen a single vehicle – moving van or car – stop at the house. He wonders if, maybe, a spy like James Bond moved in under the cover of darkness, but quickly dismisses the idea because James Bond would probably take the sold sign out of his yard. And take better care of his grass.

Jared finishes mowing the lawn, which is technically Jeff's job. But Jeff offered him ten bucks to do it so he could go to Mitchell Lake with some of his friends, and ten bucks is ten bucks. He lets go of the control bar, killing the engine, and pushes the mower into the backyard. _First things first,_ says his father's voice in his head as he unwinds the garden hose from the holder over the spigot and rinses the grass from the lawnmower's blades. Jared returns the lawn mower to the shed behind the garage before turning the hose on himself, soaking his head then shaking his hair out like a dog. It's barely eleven but it already feels like it's a hundred and ten degrees.

Jared turns the water off and wraps the hose up, brushing his hands off on his shorts as he crosses the patio. He's got the whole house to himself – Jeff's at the lake, his dad's on some company golf outing, and his mom and little sister, Megan, went to visit his grandparents in Austin – but he doesn't really have a whole lot of time to slack off. He's still got his own list of chores to get through yet, but he figures he can spare a half hour to play Madden on the PlayStation he and Jeff got for Christmas this past year.

He ends up losing track of time and plays for over an hour. It doesn't take long to get the game console put away and he quickly makes himself a couple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, which he scarfs down, before jumping right back into his list. He dusts and vacuums first because those are the two chores he hates the most. Mostly because the dusting half always makes him sneeze. But he suffers through it before heading up to his room for his laundry hamper. He sets a load to wash, then starts on the windows.

There's a roll of paper towels under his arm and six sprays of Windex on the front window in the shape of a smiley face when Jared notices the U-Haul parked across the street and three houses down. The back of the truck is open and the movers are carrying couches and chairs in through the house's front door.

Wiping through the blue streaks of Windex, Jared takes in more of the activity halfway down the block. Not only is a moving truck parked along the curb, but a dark blue minivan is in the driveway. And minivans usually mean kids. Jared just hopes they're not too much younger than him – his brother and sister are the only other two kids in their whole neighborhood over the age of five.

He drops the paper towels and bottle of Windex to the coffee table and heads out of the house, feeling excitement slowly building at the thought of the _possibility_ of a friend and finds himself standing at the edge of the parched, brown grass before he even realizes how far his feet and hope have carried him.

A boy about Jared's age comes out of the house, closely followed by a girl close to Megan's, and they both look at him, the boy rolling his eyes and stalking off towards the pile of boxes on the lawn while the girl bounds over towards Jared. “Who're you?” she asks with wide eyes.

“I'm Jared. Padalecki. I live across the street.” He hooks his thumb over his shoulder back towards his house.

“Cool. You got any brothers or sisters?”

“Yeah, one of each. My sister Megan's nine and my brother Jeff'll be eighteen soon.”

“Cool!” she says again, grin wide enough to reveal a missing molar. “I'm Mackenzie and I'm nine, too! And I've got two big brothers. Josh is eighteen and that's Jensen over there. He's fifteen. Josh says he's got PMS but I'm not sure what that means.”

Jared laughs loudly at the same time Jensen passes them with a cardboard box labeled with his name in Sharpie.

Jensen flips his little sister the best bird he can manage with the box in hand, to which Mackenzie responds by sticking her tongue out at him. “I'm gonna tell Mom.” The sing-songed taunt must be a standard little sister threat the world over. She turns back to Jared with a smile. “Well, I should prob'ly help before Jensen tattles on me. Maybe I'll see you again and you could bring your sister?” she asks hopefully.

“Yeah. Sure. I think she'd like that. Bye, Mackenzie.”

“Bye, Jared!” She offers him a wave before turning towards the pile of boxes, finding a small one with her name on it.

Jared hangs around a couple moments longer, gives Jensen a broad wave, but the slightly older boy just ignores him again. Jared sighs and shrugs, glancing once over his shoulder back at Mr. Farro's old house as he crosses the street. He supposes he wouldn't be very happy if he had to move during high school, either. _Actually_ , he really wouldn't mind it much – he doesn't really have a whole lot of friends. _Any_ friends, really. Jensen looks like the type of kid that has _lots_ of friends. Jared figures that was Jensen's problem.

He takes the stairs to his porch two at a time and gives one last look down the street before heading back inside. Maybe this will be a good summer. Maybe he'll finally make a real, honest friend.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen trudges along the sidewalk behind Josh and Mackenzie, hands shoved into the pockets of his khaki shorts, heels of his sneakers scuffing on the pavement. The day after that skinny kid with the ridiculous hair stopped at their house, his mother dropped by with a casserole to welcome their family to the neighborhood. Jensen would never admit it aloud, but the casserole was better than his own mom's. Along with the welcome, she'd invited them all to the Annual Padalecki Fourth of July Party. There was something about the way she'd said it that made Jensen think of it as a pretty big deal.

Mackenzie's chattering on about how she spent all of yesterday afternoon over at the Padalecki's with Megan – her new best friend – and they'd played for a bit in Megan's room before they got to help Mrs. Padalecki in the kitchen getting things ready for today's big party. All her excitement gives Jensen an upset stomach. Of course, Josh isn't much better – turns out the Padaleckis (and what kind of name is that anyway?) have an older son the same age as Josh, and he and Jeff are both big into basketball and have plans to go to UT in Austin next fall.

The first thing Jensen notices when they enter the Padalecki's backyard – after the long table covered with food set up inside the garage, anyway – is the total absence of kids his age. There's a handful of toddlers near the deck waving around sparklers under the watchful eye of their parents, but, aside from them, it's just his own brother and sister and the Padaleckis. Tonight's gonna suck.

After awkward introductions to the Padalecki family, Jensen finds himself a fairly secluded spot in the yard back behind the garage on a railroad tie. He's got a paper plate in a faded, red wicker holder piled with food: a couple different pasta salads, baked beans, ribs, potato salad, and a chocolate cupcake with white frosting and red and blue sprinkles wedged between salads. He manages to get through his entire meal before he's found, as his luck would have it, by that skinny Padalecki kid with the floppy hair.

“Hey. I'm Jared.”

“I know. We were introduced earlier, remember?”

Jared scratches at the side of his neck and shifts his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah, I- We've got a PlayStation - Madden and NBA Live, um, Need For Speed? A bunch of other stuff. I mean, if you want to play?”

Jensen doesn't answer right away – he's been rude to this kid from the first moment he laid eyes on him and here he is, being _nice._

Jared shoves his hands into his pockets, raises his shoulders in a shrug as his eyebrows arch. “Well, okay, then.”

At the same moment, Jensen finally finds his voice. “Sure,” he says, “I guess. Yeah.”

Jared looks up at him from under the thick fringe of dark hair that falls across his eyes. He smiles, revealing deep dimples. “Cool. Come on.”

Jensen follows Jared up onto the back deck and into the house. There are a couple of other people milling around the kitchen, so Jensen leaves his empty plate atop another on the counter as they pass. “I'm sorry about earlier and the other day,” he apologizes when they enter the living room. “I was a jerk.”

“Really?” Jared asks, smirking. “It's okay. Josh kind of told me about why y'all moved.”

“Go figure.” He collapses to the floor in front of the couch as Jared digs the game console out of the entertainment stand.

“He didn't tell me _everything._ Just that you kind of, um, got in trouble at school and they...”

“Expelled me. Yeah, I got kicked out. Picked the wrong people to be friends with, I guess.”

“Won't have to worry about getting into trouble with me. I mean, not to say we're gonna be _friends,_ but-”

Jensen can't help but grin at Jared's complete awkwardness. “Depends on how good you are at Madden.”

“I have to, like, _audition_ to be your friend?”

Jensen shrugs. “Can't have you kicking my ass or anything.”

Jared laughs, head thrown back to the couch cushions. “No worries there. I suck at Madden.”

“Awesome! We can definitely be friends then.”

They play Madden until Jared's mom pops her head through the doorway. “Fireworks'll be starting soon, boys – hurry up!”

The fireworks display over Woodlawn Lake can be seen clearly from the Padalecki's backyard and he and Jared watch from the railing of the deck. Jensen looks over when a big, shimmering gold-colored weeping willow-like firework bursts and lights up the whole neighborhood and he has to wonder if becoming friends with somebody can really be this easy.

Jared glances over at him and smiles, knocks their elbows together before turning his attention back to the display and Jensen thinks, yeah, maybe it really is.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
It's the first week of August and school starts in less than a month. Unlike most of the days Jared and Jensen have spent together over the past few weeks, they're stuck in the house because of the weather. There's a pretty spectacular storm raging outside that has already made the lights flicker a couple different times.

Jensen's armed with a flashlight (just in case the power actually _does_ go out) and stands just outside the upstairs hall closet where Jared is digging through shelves for a game for them to play. “Risk?” he asks, shaking the box.

“Nah.”

“Life?”

“Nah.”

“Scrabble?”

“We're not fifty.”

Jared peers around the door. “Scrabble can be fun.”

“Uh huh,” Jensen says, eyebrows slightly arched. “Next?”

Jared retreats back inside. “Um...Monopoly?”

“Maybe. What else you got?” Jensen shoulders his way into the small walk-in closet and starts going through the shelves on the other narrow wall.

“Clue?”

“Battleship! We're _so_ playing this one.” He tugs the box out from the middle of a stack and sends another box that's much too small to be a game tumbling to the floor. “Oops.”

Jared leans over and picks up what turns out to be a half-used disposable camera. “Huh. I wonder what this is doing in here.”

“I dunno,” Jensen says with a shrug, swapping the Battleship box for the camera. “There's still, like...ten pictures on here.” He snaps a picture of Jared from five inches in front of his face.

Jared's nearly blinded by the flash. “Jerk.” He elbows his laughing best friend as he exits the closet, half tempted to shut the door in Jensen's face.

Jensen quietly follows Jared down to the dim living room where they set up on the floor in front of the TV, Jared lying on his belly while Jensen sits cross-legged across from him. While Jared's busy arranging his ships, Jensen leans over their game and shoves the camera in Jared's face again. “Say 'cheese!'”

“Will you stop with the pictures already?” Jared asks with a whine, blinking exaggeratedly against the flash. He doesn't really like getting his picture taken and it's pretty clear that Jensen's only doing it because he knows he's being annoying.

“Mmm...” Jensen feigns a thoughtful expression that quickly splits into a grin. “Nah. I think all the rest of these pictures on here have your name on 'em.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

They manage to get through one whole game (which Jensen wins, of course) without Jensen taking another picture of Jared from point-blank range. As a matter of fact, the camera is sitting on the carpet next to Jensen's open game board and Jared makes a lunge for it before he can even think twice about what he's doing. They end up wrestling over it – all elbows and knees and laughter – granted there's just as much tickling as wrestling going on and soon enough they're tangled together amid gray battleship pieces and red and white pegs. “Give it up,” Jared pants, chest heaving against Jensen's side.

“No!” Jensen howls, Jared's bony fingers mercilessly tickling his ribs. Instead of bringing his arm in to protect his side, he stretches his hand further away to keep the camera from Jared's grasp. He somehow manages to get the camera aimed at the two of them, upside down, and he squirms against Jared. “Smile!”

Jared can't help himself and does, but as soon as the flash-spots start clearing from his vision, he tries to get the camera back. The flash goes off a handful of times between them before Jared emerges the victor. He whoops and jumps around the living room – mindful of battleships and pegs – using the very last exposure on the roll to take an up-close picture of Jensen's face. “How do _you_ like it?”

Jensen just lazes back against the couch, pushing at the game pieces on the floor with his toes. He shrugs. “Doesn't bother me any,” he tells Jared with a slow grin.

Jared shakes his head and settles next to Jensen against the couch. “So...what else d'you wanna do?”

“I dunno,” Jensen replies with another shrug. “What do _you_ want to do?”

“I asked you first.”

“Well, it's your house.”

“You're the guest.”

“And you should keep me entertained.”

“So, what. Do. You. Want. To. Do?”

Jensen groans, tipping his head back against the cushions. “I don't _know._ Maybe we can just watch movies. It doesn't sound as bad outside as it did before.” Both boys turn to look out the window behind the couch. It's still raining pretty heavily, but the lightning's nearly stopped and the wind has died down to mellow gusts that barely rustle the sodden grass in the yard or the leaves on the big hackberry tree.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. You go pick something out and I'll pick this up.” He bumps into Jensen with his shoulder and climbs to his knees to start gathering loose pegs and ships.

Jensen gives Jared's head a light shove in retaliation as he passes by to the shelves next to the entertainment center lined with VHS tapes and a couple dozen DVD's.

By the time Jared gets back to the living room from returning the Battleship box to the closet upstairs, the DVD menu for _Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me_ is bright on the TV screen. “Again.”

“Oh, come on. It's hilarious.”

“How about no, Scott?” Jared quotes, then collapses onto the couch next to Jensen. “We're gonna have this whole movie memorized by the time we start school.”

“Groovy, baby.”

Jared grins and elbows Jensen, hitting 'play' on the remote. “We're watching _Billy Madison_ next.”

“Stop looking at me, swan!”

They dissolve into laughter as the movie starts.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
The second to last weekend before school begins, Jensen finds himself squeezed between Jared and a pile of sleeping bags in the back seat of the Padalecki's van. At least once every summer, Jared's whole family spends the weekend camping at a lake south of the city. When Jensen had mentioned that he'd never been camping before, Jared took it upon himself to convince his parents to let him bring Jensen along. It didn't take much asking – and when Megan found out Jensen got to come, of course Mackenzie was immediately invited as well.

It doesn't take all that long to get to the lake – they just barely make it through “100 Bottles of Surge of on the Wall” - and, as soon as they're parked, everyone's climbing out and circling around to the back of the van. Everything has to be carried from the parking lot to their campsite. It's not far, but it feels like they've walked for miles when Jensen and Jared are saddled with carrying the heaviest cooler first. It takes a few trips, but they eventually get all four tents, both coolers, their backpacks, all the sleeping bags, and the few grocery bags up to their site. But there's still more work to do before they can rest or explore.

Jensen attempts to help Jared set up the tent but it quickly becomes obvious that Jensen's never been a boy scout and is probably just getting in Jared's way when Jared gets tangled in the canvas and goes down, Jensen nearly getting a tent-pole to the face. It collapses three times before Jeff finally comes over to help them out, and it still takes twice as long as usual because they can't stop laughing. Then they're finally turned loose with specific instructions to not a) get lost, b) drown, or c) get eaten by a bear (or chupacabra, Jeff helpfully adds), and to be back in no more than two hours.

They set out with bottles of water and granola bars, and Jensen's also armed with his mom's old 35mm camera and a spare roll of film. Part of the reason he brought it along is because of how Jared reacts to having his picture taken – Jensen's already wasted two whole disposable cameras taking pictures of Jared (and other, more random things, too) over the past couple of weeks since they found that half-used one in the closet at Jared's house. But another reason is because he actually _likes_ taking pictures. Besides, his mom told him his grandma would probably like to see photographs from his very first camping trip and of his new friend. The fact that it drives Jared nuts is just an added bonus.

“When do you leave for Dallas?” Jared asks from in front of him on the narrow trail.

“Thursday or Friday. Depends on if my dad can get Friday off.”

“But you'll be back Monday, right?” He glances over his shoulder as they start climbing a steep hill.

“Yeah. It's just my grandparents' anniversary. Like fifty years or something. I guess it's a pretty big deal – we've got a bunch of family flying in.”

“That's cool.”

“I guess.” Jensen pauses to take a picture of a butterfly on a flower. He'd honestly rather hang out with Jared all next weekend but they already spend nearly every day together and he hasn't seen his grandparents since Easter, right before he got expelled. Something must show in his voice, maybe his worry of his grandparents' disappointment, because Jared stops at the top of the hill and turns to look at him.

“Don't you want to go?”

“Well...yeah, but I haven't seen them since before I...”

“Oh. I'm sure it'll be fine. I mean, you said your mom and dad haven't mentioned it in a while so maybe your grandparents have forgotten about it, too.”

Jensen sits in the grass at the foot of a large shade tree, bark rough through his shirt, and Jared sits beside him close enough that their arms and legs touch, skin sticky with sweat. “I don't know, Jay. Josh didn't make honor roll first semester of his freshman year and my grandpa still gives him crap for it.” He fiddles with the camera strap around his wrist and looks out over the lake. They've got a pretty good view of it from up here; he snaps a couple more pictures.

“You haven't gotten in trouble once since you've been here. Things are different now.” He slings an arm over Jensen's shoulders and takes the camera out of Jensen's hand. “Say 'chupacabra!'” he instructs, tilting his head in towards Jensen until his sweat-damp hair tickles the side of Jensen's neck.

Jensen smiles and says, “Chupacabra!” and can't help but think, under the weight and warmth of Jared's arm, things are _very_ different now. That this is the happiest he's been in a really long time. And, maybe, Jared's responsible for most of that.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jared pulls the flaming, charred marshmallow from the campfire, blows it out like a birthday candle, and holds it out towards Jensen where he's waiting with a graham cracker and a quarter of a Hershey bar. Only a couple of hours ago he'd stuffed himself past full on hot dogs, baked beans, and half a bag of potato chips, but when Jensen admitted to never having a bona-fide campfire s'more, Jared had found a hollow spot in his stomach. He's had two s'mores and this one is Jensen's third. “Probably one of the best things about camping,” he says, gesturing to the s'more in Jensen's hands with his stick.

“Uh huh,” Jensen agrees, licking melted chocolate and marshmallow from his fingers where it's oozing out from between the graham crackers.

They sit without talking for a while, listening to the crackling of the fire and the hush of wind in the trees, as Jensen finishes off the last of his s'more, then Jared starts poking at him with the marshmallow-sticky end of the stick. “You having fun so far?”

“Yeah. And I'm kind of looking forward to the hike your mom's got planned for tomorrow, too.”

“Yeah...Mom likes her hikes.”

“You don't?” Jensen digs his camera out from where it's wedged between his leg and the seat of his folding chair.

“They're fine, I guess, but Mom's gotta stop and look at every little thing. A hike that should only take half an hour ends up being, like, _two._ ” They're sitting a couple of feet apart so the flash isn't quite so bright when it goes off a second later. Jared lobs a marshmallow at Jensen's face.

“She was telling me about the time you guys went to the Grand Canyon.”

“Our tour guide was so pissed 'cause she was stopping every five minutes and was constantly asking questions.”

“Must be where you got it from.”

Jared just throws another marshmallow. He doesn't ask _that_ many questions. “I suppose we should probably get to bed. Early morning, long hike, and all.”

Jensen tosses the marshmallow back. “You gonna put that fire out, Smokey?”

“Har har,” Jared says, shoving the marshmallow into his mouth. “My dad'll do it.”

Jensen picks up the first marshmallow from the ground and chucks it at the back of Jared's head, missing by a mile but laughing loudly anyway.

Jared talks to his dad and says his goodnights to both of his parents before crossing the campsite to his and Jensen's tent. Jensen's already stripped down to his shorts and a t-shirt on top of his sleeping bag when Jared unzips the flap and climbs inside. There's a combination flashlight/lantern on the narrow strip of floor that divides the tent into two equal halves. He feels Jensen's gaze on him as he wriggles out of his denim shorts and tugs off his dirty tee – it's hot and stuffy in here without the breeze that's outside. Jensen's attention is slightly unnerving but not wholly uncomfortable. Jared kicks his clothes towards his open backpack in the corner and flops down onto his thin sleeping bag before he can think too much about Jensen's eyes on him. Stretching, he rolls onto his belly and pillows his head on his folded arms.

“I'm not tired,” Jensen says, voice hushed but not quite a whisper.

“I think there's a deck of cards and travel checkers in my bag...maybe a couple old comic books.”

Jensen shakes his head and rolls over onto his side to face Jared. “That's okay. Like you said, we're gonna have to get up early.”

“Yeah.” Jared stares across the foot and a half of space between them for a long moment, thoughts swirling, and smiles. “I'm kinda looking forward to school starting.”

Jensen's brow furrows, seemingly confused by the sudden change in topic. Jared's sure there's a connection there, he's just uncertain how to trace it back. “I am, too, kind of,” Jensen tells him. “Not looking forward to repeating my freshman year, but...”

“Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that. At least you'll have a head start on the rest of us.”

“Not really. If I hadn't gotten expelled I probably would've flunked out.”

“Oh,” Jared says again. He's never asked Jensen what happened but has always wondered what he did that was so bad he got kicked out of school for it. He's curious, wants to know, and right now seems like the perfect opportunity to finally ask, seeing as though Jensen's the one that brought it up. But he doesn't want Jensen to get mad at him for prying, either. “Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” He bites at his lip as he waits.

“Sure, I guess.” He looks at Jared expectantly, a hint of resignation in his eyes as though he already knows the question on the tip of Jared's tongue.

“Why'd you get expelled?”

Jensen sighs and rolls onto his back, hands scrubbing at his face. “I was stupid,” he finally says. “I got busted for possession.”

“Possession of what?”

“Weed. Pot – whatever you want to call it. They were friends of Josh's. Well, more his teammates than his friends, but they let me hang out with them if I held on to their stash. I thought it was cool, you know? Hanging out with juniors and seniors, going out to parties on the weekends and getting high...Then I got caught and not a single one of 'em tried to help me out. The school's got a zero-tolerance policy, so...” He sighs again and shakes his head, glancing over at Jared out of the corner of his eye. “I was stupid to think they actually liked me. I was just... _convenient._ And...naive.”

“I'm sorry, Jen. They sound like a bunch of...a bunch of _assholes._ ” He feels a little rebellious, saying the word; he doesn't cuss, but Jensen does sometimes.

Jensen laughs and turns a wide grin towards Jared. “Yeah, you could say that.” He shifts back to his side. “I mean, it sucked. My parents were so mad and disappointed, and Josh and Mack were just embarrassed. Then Dad decided we were going to _move._ I guess the company he works for wanted somebody in his department to transfer out here and they'd asked him to think about it and that was before- before I got expelled. He said it was a really good offer and after everything – everything with _me_ \- we could all use a fresh start. That was when Josh and Mack got pissed. Because we had to move because of me.”

“It's not your fault you moved, Jensen. It was your parents' choice. And Mackenzie and Josh seem okay.”

“Now, maybe. But, before...” He shakes his head. “I wish I would've been smarter.”

Jared wants to say _but then you never would've met me,_ but that sounds selfish and a little bit...desperate or something. So, instead, he says, “Then you wouldn't've gotten to go camping. Or ever had a s'more.”

Jensen's smile is crooked and there's something in his gaze that says he understands the words Jared isn't saying. “You're right. I got expelled for s'mores.”

“I thought so.” He smiles, warmth flooding his chest at the one he receives back and reaches for the lantern. “Goodnight, Jensen.”

“Night, Jay.”

 

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen spends almost half of the allowance he's saved since they moved on getting all his rolls of film developed, including the roll from the disposable camera they'd found at Jared's. As soon as he gets home from running errands with his mom, he's heading across the street to his best friend's house.

Jared answers the door with a grin and, “Hey! What's up?”

Jensen holds up four photo envelopes – he'd already gone through all the pictures in the car and separated out the ones he's too embarrassed for Jared to see (which included all three rolls from the disposable cameras he'd bought himself nearly three weeks ago and quite a few from their camping trip). “I got them back today.”

“Cool!” He steps aside to let Jensen in and closes the door behind him. “Did the one of that fish turn out?”

“It's a little blurry and it could have been closer, but you can see how huge it was.”

They settle in the tall chairs at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and Jensen pushes the envelopes in front of Jared. Jared opens the thinner one on top. “Oh. These are from my cousin Sarah's graduation party. I wonder how the camera ended up in the closet.” He flips through until he finds the photos he and Jensen took.

Jensen laughs as soon as he sees that first picture of Jared again. One of his eyes is wide open, the other half squinted shut, and one eyebrow is comically raised. The whole image is washed out because of the brightness of the flash and how close Jensen was to Jared when he'd snapped the picture.

Jared just rolls his eyes and shakes his head, moving on to the next way-too-close shot of himself. “You know I'm gonna throw these away, right?”

“Not all of 'em. The next one is when you got me back.”

Jared's face brightens with a grin, dimples cleaving deep, and he lets loose a belly laugh. “That is _hilarious._ This one – this one I'm keeping.”

It's not one of his finer moments, his cheek smooshed against his fist as he leans on his elbow on his knee, and his eyes are half closed. “Figured. Then there's a bunch of dark ones and, I think, one of the carpet.”

Jared shuffles through the pictures of nothing, then he lands on the one of the two of them tangled together in a mess of bony arms and skinny legs. It's actually not bad, considering they're both flushed and wearing dopey smiles. Jared pulls that one from the stack. “I kind of like this one,” he says, glancing at Jensen sideways.

“Me, too.” That's all he's going to admit to, though. He's not ever going to tell Jared how it makes him feel, low in his belly, to remember how close they were when the picture was taken. Won't ever tell him about the heat that rushes across his skin that's not even half from embarrassment. He watches Jared as he studies the photograph before carefully sliding it onto the top of the stack.

The last picture is of Jensen. Well, of Jensen's face from less than a foot away. It's just as overexposed as the ones of Jared are, and the expression on his face reminds him of Josh. He looks laid-back and cool, one brow arched just so.

Jared's mom enters the kitchen through the back door, knees muddy as though she's been out in the garden, as Jared opens the first set of pictures from the camping trip. “I got duplicates,” Jensen says, mostly to Jared, but he glances Mrs. Padalecki's way. She catches his eye and smiles, kicking her dirt-caked sneakers off onto the rug before crossing over to them. She stands behind their chairs, an elbow perched on each wooden back as she leans over Jared's shoulder. These are the ones from their Saturday morning hike.

Jared separates the pictures into two piles as he flips through them. Most are flowers and trees, birds and butterflies – a lot of neat nature things that Mrs. P had pointed out. But there are quite a few of Jared, Jeff, and their sisters. There's one of Jeff and Megan, flowers behind their ears and matching cross-eyed expressions. Jared's a laughing blur next to his brother.

“You ever think about joining yearbook or the school newspaper?” Mrs. P asks, gaze slowly moving from the photos in Jared's hands to Jensen's eyes.

Jensen shakes his head. “Not really.” He's thinking about it now, though.

“You should join one of them – maybe see if the school has a photography club. These are good, Jensen.”

“For an amateur,” Jared says, grinning at Jensen, putting up his arm to block the elbow he knows is coming. “She's right, though. They are pretty good.”

“Thanks. And, maybe I could join something. But Jared's gotta join something, too.”

“What?!”

“That's a good idea,” Mrs. P says, hand curling gently over Jensen's shoulder. “You should both get involved at school.”

“But I'm not good at anything,” Jared protests.

“Sure you are, sweetie. What about the quiz bowl team? They could put that big brain of yours to use.”

“I don't think so.”

“Track?” Jensen suggests. Jared's tall and lean and he always beats Jensen at impromptu races. “You're fast.”

“See?” Jared's mother runs her fingers through Jared's hair. “Wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Jared huffs a sigh. “I suppose.”

“It's a new year, right?” Jensen asks as Jared opens another envelope of pictures and Mrs. P heads over to the sink to wash her hands and fill a glass from the tap. He takes the photos from Jared's hands and sifts through them until he finds the one of him and Jared sitting under the tree, Jared's arm over his shoulder, and repeats the words Jared had told him then. “Things are different now. Remember?” _Really_ different.

There's something in Jared's smile that makes Jensen's pulse race a little faster. “Yeah. Different.”

 **  
\----------   
**

  
By the second month of school, they're settled into a routine. Jared made the cross country team, so he's got practice for that three nights a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) after school, unless he's got a meet, and Jensen has yearbook every Wednesday. They don't see each other much during the week except during the two classes they share – algebra on A-days and American history on B-days – and they're on different lunch shifts, too. They ride home with their brothers on Tuesdays and one of their parents picks both of them up on Wednesdays.

Weekends, though, aside from a couple cross country meets, are completely theirs to hang out. And every Saturday night they go to Steak 'n Shake. Usually, dinner is followed by a movie – they go to the theater when they can afford it, but, most of the time, they end up at Jared's house. They're making it their weekly ritual.

Steak 'n Shake is where they are now, across from each other in a booth along the windows, mostly done with their food, dipping cold fries into their nearly empty shakes instead of ketchup. Josh is supposed to pick them up at 8:30, but it seems he's running late.

“How do you think you did on that history test today?” Jared asks, tipping his glass to coat a few fries in chocolate shake.

“The multiple choice and the matching sections were okay. I kinda got tripped up on the fill-in-the-blank ones, though. And the essay at the end.”

“Yeah, the essay was tough. I totally blanked on all the battles of the Revolutionary War.”

Jensen nods and sucks up the last of his vanilla shake with a loud slurp. “Who did you get paired with for the book presentation?” he asks, pushing his glass away and crossing his arms on the edge of their table.

“Chad Murray? He's on my cross country team. Figured it would be easier for us to get together with our schedules, you know? What about you?”

“This guy I've got science with, Chris Kane.”

Jared shakes his head; the name doesn't sound familiar. “I don't think I know him.”

“He's in drama,” Jensen shrugs. “I think maybe band, too? We didn't have a whole lot of time to talk during class, but we're going to the library after school on Monday.”

Jared's blindsided by the sudden flare of jealousy he feels at the thought of Jensen making new friends. Then he feels guilty, like a hypocrite, because he's been making friends, too. But it was just the two of them for half of the summer and Jared's never had a friend like Jensen – a _best_ friend – before. It feels like they grew up together, not like they only met nearly four months ago. “That's cool,” he says and turns to look out the window. There's a familiar car in the parking lot, Josh's rusty, eighty-something Dodge Dynasty. The 'Dy' was lost at some point, so now it's just a Dodge nasty – a fact that never fails to get a laugh out of Jared when he climbs into the car. “Hey. I think your brother's here.”

Jensen turns in his seat to follow Jared's gaze. “Yep. You ready?”

“Yeah,” he says before leaning over to sip at the last of his shake. He drops three dollars on the table as he slides out of the booth and follows Jensen up to the counter where he's paying their bill. Next week, Jensen'll leave the tip and Jared will pay the bill – it's easier than asking for separate tickets every time he figures. He waits by the door and pushes it open when Jensen turns from the counter, shoving his change into his wallet. “So...what movie you wanna watch?”

“Austin-”

“How about no, Scott?” Jared immediately interrupts, their laughter echoing in the parking lot.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen doesn't think too hard about why he doesn't really like Chad. A lot of it has to do with the fact that he's rude and obnoxious and really inappropriate most of the time. Not to mention that he reminds Jensen of his “friends” back in Dallas. It's got nothing to do with how much time he and Jared spend together. Jensen doesn't get to hang out with Jared – just the two of them – very much at all anymore. There's always one of their other friends hanging around.

At some point after Thanksgiving, their Steak 'n Shake Saturdays became group nights, all their friends cramming into a couple of booths. Jensen can admit it's sometimes fun, but his friendship with Jared doesn't feel like what it had been during the summer – like they're not as close.

They're all discussing Christmas plans; Jared's across from him, Sandy and Chad on either side, while Jensen's squeezed tight between Katie and Chris. Aldis, Sophia, Steve, and Ally are in the booth across the aisle from them. It doesn't sound like anybody's going far – just Jensen, to his grandparents' in Dallas the day before Christmas Eve.

“So, uh, I'm thinking of having a New Year's Eve party,” Chad says.

Jared turns a little in his seat and throws his arm around Sandy. “Where at?”

“My parents have this cabin a few miles outside of town just off the highway. We go out there a lot in the summer, but nobody uses it this time of year. It'll be awesome.”

“Are your parents going to chaperone?” Jensen asks, eyebrows raised. He kind of thinks he already knows the answer, but he's had enough of getting into trouble for stupid crap to last him until college.

Chad laughs out loud, not quite right in Jensen's face but close enough. “Are you _serious?_ ” he guffaws, then turns to Jared, elbowing him in the side. “He's serious!”

“It's really not that funny,” Katie points out, looking just as bored with Chad's antics as Jensen feels.

“Like I'd have my _parents_ there. They're, like, the _fun police._ ”

Jared laughs at that, pulls Sandy a little closer to his side. “I think it sounds like fun.”

“Me, too,” Sandy chimes in, grinning up at Jared.

Jared and Sandy have been “dating” - Jensen uses mental air-quotes around the word whenever he thinks about their relationship – since homecoming. They'd all gone pretty much as a group, but Sandy insisted that she and Jared were _together_ , and Jared never corrected her. Jensen likes Sandy more than he likes Chad, but not by much. She takes up a lot of Jared's time, too.

“Awesome,” Chad says, smirking smugly at Jensen. “I'll let you guys know more before Christmas break.”

Steve stands from the booth across the aisle and thumps Chris on the shoulder. “Want to get out of here and jam for a bit before curfew?” Steve's a sophomore – nearly a year older than Jensen, though – and has his license. He's the only one in their group that has a car. Jensen will be sixteen in March, but there's no way he'll have a car of his own.

Chris scoots off the bench and turns to Jensen. “You wanna come with? We've been working on some stuff.”

Jensen glances at Jared, kind of hopes to see something in his best friend's eyes begging him to stay, but Jared's gaze is focused on the table. “Uh, yeah. Sure. I'll see you later, Jay.” He climbs out of the booth after Chris, and Katie's immediately crawling out behind him.

“I'm coming, too,” she says, and they all know better than to argue.

They give their goodbyes and head outside to pile into Steve's tank of an Oldsmobile. Jensen pointedly doesn't look back in to the restaurant. Katie curls up against his side in the backseat as much as their lap belts will allow and hooks her elbow around his arm.

The ride to Steve's passes quickly in a blur of dark storefronts and neon-sign lit windows, Katie's small, warm frame pressed against his side a welcome distraction from the inevitable thoughts of Jared that tend to fill the quiet moments he finds himself in. They all clamber into the garage where Steve's parents set aside a sound-proof space a good distance away from the house for Steve and his friends to practice as loudly as they want. And, when Chris is involved, things can get pretty loud.

Katie secures her spot on the cajon by Jensen's seat of choice – a blue milk crate with an over-stuffed throw pillow duct-taped to its upturned bottom – across from Chris and Steve's modified lawn chairs. Acoustic guitars are passed around, then Chris hands Jensen a few sheets of wrinkled composition paper dog-eared together.

Katie peers over his shoulder at the music, eyes the tempo and the key, hums a few bars, and starts a simple beat on the cajon. Chris jumps in with a grin, sings with his eyes closed, and Steve isn't far behind, picking some delicate counter-melody.

Jensen's still a little unsure of himself – Chris only started teaching him guitar a couple months ago – but he comes in quietly on the chorus, harmonizes vocals with Chris kind of spontaneously and earns his very own grin from Chris. Steve gives him a nod and he keeps on singing.

As the last chords are fading, Katie turns to him, long fingers clutching at his arm. “You never said you could _sing,_ ” she accuses.

“Didn't know I could.” It's not a total lie – he sings in the shower a lot and, sometimes, around the house when he's home alone, but he's never actually heard what he really sounds like.

“What other secrets are you keeping from us?” she asks, blonde eyebrows high, serious blue eyes wide.

Jensen splutters because it feels like she _knows._ “What?”

“Ignore her, man,” Steve says. “But, seriously. Wasn't expecting that out of you.”

“Kind of surprised myself.”

They play around with a couple more of Chris and Steve's songs before they launch into a few random covers. Steve takes on Pearl Jam's “Last Kiss” while Chris opts for Eagle-Eye Cherry's “Save Tonight.” Jensen and Katie argue over Goo Goo Dolls songs, finally agreeing on “Black Balloon.”

Jensen can't remember the last time he had this much fun without Jared, but he's not going to let himself feel guilty about it. He knows Jared has plenty of fun with Chad and Sandy. He sighs and climbs back into Steve's car with Katie.

“We need to do that more often,” Katie says as they drop her off.

“I, for one, agree,” Chris says, hanging out his window.

“We should,” Jensen admits, sliding across the seat so he can see Katie's face. She's smiling at him, so he smiles back. “It was fun.”

“Yes. It was.” She steps up onto the curb and offers them all a wave. “Okay. I'll see you boys Monday.”

Jensen's the next stop. They drive past the Padalecki's and Jensen can see that Jared's light's on. If he can get up to the computer fast enough, Jared might still be on AIM.

“We're gonna hang out at my house after school Monday if you want to come over,” Chris tells him when he opens the door.

“I'll have to ask my parents, but I'll let you know. See you later.” He closes the door and jogs up the front sidewalk, Steve's car loudly pulling away as he reaches the porch. He casts a quick glance over his shoulder as he opens the door – Jared's light is off.

 **  
\----------   
**

Jensen's hoisting the strap for a guitar case over his shoulder when Jared catches up with him after the final bell rings on Tuesday. “Hey, what's up?”

Jensen smiles so widely the corner of his eyes crinkle and slams his locker door shut. “Nothing. You ready for vacation?”

“Like, _last week,_ ” Jared groans, falling into step next to his best friend as they head down the lower hall towards the exit at the back of the school. “You're coming to my parents' Christmas party Thursday, right?”

“Can't. We're going to Dallas, remember?” He glances sideways at Jared.

Jared does, nods, but he'd kind of hoped those plans had changed. “Yeah.” He sighs heavily as he pushes through the door and into the mild December afternoon. “When do you want to exchange gifts, then?”

Jensen smiles again. “We're supposed to be back around noon on Friday.”

Jared shakes his head, scanning the busy lot for his brother's car. “I'll be at _my_ grandparents'.”

“What about Christmas Day? Like, that night?”

“Maybe you could stay over,” Jared suggests. Even with cross country done, they don't see each other much. Jensen spent every day after school the past couple of months helping with the set decorations for the drama club's end-of-semester production. It feels like they never get to hang out.

“Um, yeah. I'll ask my parents,” Jensen finally says after a moment's hesitation.

That pause, however brief it was, causes Jared's stomach to twist painfully. It's almost like, maybe, Jensen doesn't want to, and Jared can feel his smile falter. Feels the corners of his mouth drag down. He tries to hide the expression before Jensen can see, but fails.

“We could have a movie marathon or something,” Jensen says, leading the way to Jeff's car. “It'll be fun.”

“If you don't- If you've got other stuff to do...” Jared trails off and shrugs, the strap of his backpack slipping down his shoulder.

“Jay, there's nothing else I've got to do. Besides kick your ass at Madden.”

The taunt is familiar and eases the ache in his chest somewhat. Jared offers Jensen a genuine smile as they approach his brother's car. “It's on.” They climb into the back seat, Jensen's guitar case jostling against Jared's knee as they both get situated. “How is the guitar thing going?”

“Really good. I'm getting better.”

Jensen's got that same smile on his face – the humbly proud one that makes his eyes go squinty – that he wears when he shows Jared new pictures he's taken. “Cool.”

“Chicks dig dudes that play guitar,” Evan, Jeff's friend, says from the passenger's seat. “Makes 'em think you're all sensitive and shit.”

The older boys laugh and Jared scowls, feeling only a little better when he catches the flush of embarrassment on Jensen's cheeks out of the corner of his eye. “You wanna come over? Start that Madden battle a couple days early?”

“I call dibs on the PlayStation,” Jeff says, catching Jared's gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Or not.”

Jensen shifts beside him. “You could come over to my house,” he suggests. “See if we can get through Donkey Kong in one go?”

“Okay. Yeah.”

Within twenty minutes – crazy school traffic congestion making the drive that much longer – Jeff is pulling the car up along the curb in front of Jensen's house and Jensen starts to climb out, guitar case catching on something and proving to be a challenge to remove from the back. Jared pushes while Jensen pulls, Jeff and Evan laughing the whole time. Jensen stumbles as it pulls free and mutters, “Thanks,” to the dry grass.

“I've gotta drop my stuff off and tell Mom where I'm going, then I'll be over.”

Jensen pulls various straps up onto his shoulders. “I'll be here.”

Jared runs up to his room once he gets home and unceremoniously dumps his bag just inside his bedroom door. He nearly trips over his shoelaces as he runs down the steps and catches himself on the bannister.

His mother is standing at the foot of the stairs watching him with an amused expression on her face, drying her hands on a dishtowel. “You're in an awfully big hurry. Sounded like a herd of elephants tearing through the house.”

“Yeah, sorry. Just headed over to Jensen's. Is that okay?”

His mother's face softens as she smiles. “Of course. Call if you'll be staying there for dinner.”

“I will.” He carefully walks the rest of the way down the stairs and stands still before his mother while she straightens out the hood of his sweatshirt and runs a hand through his tangled hair. “Hey, Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you think he could, maybe, stay over Saturday night? If it's okay with his mom and dad?”

“I'm sure that would be fine.” She kisses his temple and gives him a light shove towards the door. “Behave.”

“I always do, Mom,” he tells her with a grin. Jared hurries out of the house and jogs down the sidewalk, across the street, and up to Jensen's front door where he hits the doorbell twice in quick succession.

Seconds later, Jensen pulls the door open and steps aside so Jared can come in. “Josh is on the Nintendo right now, but he said we can have it at four-thirty.”

Jared shrugs. “That's fine. What d'you wanna do 'til then?”

Jensen shrugs back. “I don't know. What do you want to do?”

The argument is all too familiar, always happened when they had too much spare time and not enough ways to fill it during the summer. But an idea worms its way into Jared's head as he catches sight of the battered guitar case at the foot of the open staircase. “Maybe you could show me what Chris and Steve have been teaching you.”

Jensen glances behind himself at the guitar case. “You sure?”

“Yeah. I promise I won't laugh if you suck.”

“Thanks, Jay,” Jensen says sarcastically as they start for the stairs, Jensen grabbing the case as they head up.

Jared flops down onto Jensen's neatly-made bed and watches his friend set the case on its side on the floor, flipping open the latches and removing the guitar from the worn, blue velvet lining. When Jensen settles near the foot of the bed, left foot dangling while his right braces on the frame to support the acoustic, Jared rolls onto his side for a better view. “So, what can you play?”

Jensen shrugs, begins plucking a quiet melody that Jared vaguely recognizes. Then Jensen starts to sing. “ _When I was young I knew everything...she, a punk who rarely ever took advice._ ”

Jared is mesmerized. He had no idea Jensen could _sing._ He can do nothing more than stare at Jensen's face as Jensen keeps his gaze focused on his socked toes tapping a rhythm in the air or his fingers as they bend to create chords. Something rises up in him, this strange floaty, lightheaded feeling like he's sucked the helium out of one too many balloons. Makes him feel dizzy and giddy, like he might just swoon. It's kind of like when Sandy kissed him that very first time, but times a thousand.

“ _We were only freshman..._ ” Jensen sings softly, the last chords fading out.

“Jeez, Jen,” Jared says with awe, eyes still wide.

Jensen finally glances up at him. “What?”

“It's good. _You_ 're good.”

“Thanks.”

Jared can see the blush forming on Jensen's cheeks and he rolls a little closer. “What else you got? I could listen to you all day.”

Jensen's blush intensifies. “I know a few more.”

Gentle guitar leads into an old song that Jared's intimately familiar with, considering how much his mother loves Garth Brooks. “ _Lookin' back...on the memory of...the dance we shared...beneath the stars above._ ”

Jared closes his eyes and falls back onto Jensen's pillows, finds himself singing along under his breath because he knows he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

Jensen's halfway through another Garth Brooks song when there's a knock on his door and Josh pokes his head in. “I'm going. Nintendo's yours.”

Both of Jensen's feet hit the floor and he lifts the guitar from his thigh. “All right. Thanks.”

Jared watches Jensen pack the guitar back up but doesn't move from his spot on the bed. This is the closest – and not just physically – he's felt to Jensen in a really long time. Probably since school started. But Jensen's standing at his door looking expectant, so Jared slowly climbs off the mattress and gets to his feet. He follows Jensen downstairs to the living room where the TV is still on, screen blank, the Super Nintendo on the floor in front of the TV stand. Standard drill, he and Jensen each grab an end of the sofa and move it closer to the TV so they don't have to sit on the floor.

“You want a Coke?” Jensen moves towards the kitchen doorway.

“Sure. Thanks. I'll get the game started. You wanna be Donkey or Diddy?”

“I don't care; whichever.”

Jensen returns a couple minutes later with two cans of Coke and a bag of Ruffles. They pop the tops, take quick drinks, and set the cans on the coffee table all in unison, before kicking up their feet and grabbing their controllers from the cushion that separates them. Jared glances at Jensen out of the corner of his eye and grins as he leans back to get comfortable.

 

 **  
\----------   
**

  
It takes just as much – if not more – persuading for Jensen to get his parents to allow him to go to Chad's New Year's Eve party. He's pretty sure the biggest factors in their decision were that Jared was going and that he'd definitely be home no later than 12:45 (scout's honor).

He has just under twenty-five minutes before Jeff is supposed to pick him and Josh up – there's some kind of annual, New Year's Day basketball tournament versus alumni that they've both been gearing up for, so they're not too upset about missing out on the _real_ parties and carting their brothers around.

Jensen tugs on his best pair of jeans – the dark Levis he hardly ever wears – and pulls the soft, dark green sweater he got from his aunt Kathy for Christmas over his white t-shirt. After checking his hair in the mirror on the back of his door (he'd swiped a small dollop of his mom's gel to get his uncooperative hair to stand in messy spikes) and spraying himself once with the only bottle of cologne he owns, he grabs his favorite pair of boots from his closet and heads downstairs.

His mother eyes him curiously as he flops down beside her on the couch to pull his boots on. “You look awfully handsome, honey,” she says.

Jensen feels a blush heat his cheeks and hopes it's not too obvious in the dim light of the living room. “Thanks, Mama.”

“You're not going to get into any trouble tonight, are you?”

Jensen puts both feet on the floor, one boot on, the other in his hands. “No. I'm- I'm done with that. With _people_ like that. I've-” It feels like a weight lifting off his shoulders, and the bottom dropping out of his stomach, as he thinks about the words he's about to speak and he realizes what, exactly, it is that he's been feeling since the Fourth of July. “I've got Jared now.”

His mother smiles at him, seemingly pleased by the answer, and pats his knee.

He can't help but nervously smile back for a moment before the absolute reality hits him with the force of a sledgehammer and sinks in deep. He has feelings for his best friend. He has _feelings_ for his _best friend._ This can't be happening. Not to him. Not to _them._

“Jensen?”

The deep breath he takes doesn't quite calm his nerves but he manages to loosen his death-grip on the boot in his lap. “Yeah?” His voice sounds shaky and thin to his own ears, so he keeps his gaze trained on a faint stain on the carpet near the bookcase along the wall because he doesn't want to see the worry on his mother's face that's evident in her tone.

“Are you okay?”

“Mmhmm,” he says, trying his hardest to control his panic, his wildly beating heart. “I'm just...”

“Nervous?”

His gaze slots to her sideways before returning to the spot on the carpet. It's not a lie so long as she doesn't ask why. “Kind of, yeah.”

His mother stands and kisses his forehead. “I'm sure, whoever she is, she'll be impressed.” She leaves the room before Jensen can think of a reply, his mind suddenly circling with the thought that he only wants to impress Jared, wants Jared to _notice_ him.

But he knows that can't happen. Knows that Jared could never possibly feel the same way. Jared has Sandy, and he's so happy with her. And, besides that, he remembers hearing about what happened to that kid last year – the one in Wyoming only a couple years older than he is now. And this is _Texas._

He has to find a way to get over this somehow. Because if he doesn't, he could lose Jared's friendship forever. Or _worse._

“C'mon, Jen,” Josh says from behind Jensen, startling him from his racing thoughts. “Jeff's waitin' outside.”

Jensen slowly breathes in, breathes out, and finally pulls on his other boot. He stands form the couch on weak legs and cautiously makes his way over to the front door.

“Have fun, boys,” his father says from the kitchen doorway as he fastens the buttons of his shirt cuffs.

“Don't worry, Dad, we will,” Josh says before pushing through the door.

“But not too much,” he adds, looking pointedly at Jensen.

“Of course not. Bye, Dad.” Jensen quickly exits, pulling the door closed tight behind himself, and heads down the front walk after his brother. And when they're both settled in the car, Jensen can feel Jared's eyes on him. He shifts in his seat and glances at his best friend. “I- I bet Chad's excited.”

“Yeah,” Jared says distractedly before clearing his throat. “Uh, yeah. His first real high school party and all. That he's throwing. Because we went to that homecoming party, so that was the first and-”

“Breathe, Jay,” Jensen quietly laughs, interrupting Jared's rambling and taking his own advice as well.

“Sorry. Just...nervous.”

“About Sandy?” Something squeezes tight in his chest, but he forces a smile to his face even if he can't meet Jared's eyes. “You shouldn't be.”

“Yeah.” Jared's voice sounds small, kind of almost sad, but it's probably just self-doubt.

“Chris and Steve plan on coming out – I think Katie said she was riding with them. And Aldis and Ally might stop by at some point.”

“I don't think Sophia's coming, though,” Jared adds. “Chad pissed her off, I guess. He's been trying to get her to go out with him but...”

“She's got better taste than Chad?”

The corner of Jared's mouth quirks up in a crooked half-smile. “Something like that.”

“What about Sandy?” Jensen asks, surprised she wasn't mentioned first, before Sophia.

“Oh. Yeah. She's coming out with a couple of her friends from dance team. Amanda and Emily, I think.”

Jensen nods, leans against his door. Nearly twenty minutes pass – six stoplights, only two of which are green, and more traffic than Jensen's used to seeing right after school - before Jeff's car is rattling up the gravel driveway to Chad's parents' cabin. There are already a few cars parked in the grass and a whole bunch of kids milling around. Jensen jumps from the car as soon as they're stopped, if only to put that much more distance between himself and Jared.

“Don't forget,” Josh says, window rolled down as far as it'll go (which is only halfway), “we'll be back around twelve-thirty, okay? And stay out of trouble.”

“Yes, _Dad_ ,” Jensen replies with a tight smile before turning and heading towards the cabin, Jared behind him.

They've barely stepped through the door when Sandy practically materializes out of nothing and presses herself right up along Jared's side. He wraps an arm around her and gives Jensen an apologetic smile as she pulls him off towards her friends. “See you later.”

Jensen rolls his eyes once Jared's out of his line of sight and busies himself with getting a soda. Half the people in the large main room, he doesn't recognize. And the other half, he'd be hard-pressed to remember their names. But he scans faces, looking for somebody familiar he can talk to so he can ignore the way Sandy's sitting on Jared's lap, bird-thin arms wrapped around his neck.

He ends up talking to Ally's friend Kristin for nearly half an hour before excusing himself the moment he sees Katie, Chris, and Steve walk through the door.

Katie's the first to reach him, eyes wide and appraising before she hugs him tightly. “ _Look_ at you!”

“Look at _you,_ ” he counters, holding her at arms-length, taking in the faded jeans and dark blue sweater set she's wearing, an almost-echo of Jared – but, beautiful as Katie is, she does nothing for Jensen.

Chris and Steve share a glance – a whole wordless conversation – before moving closer. “Party seems...cool,” Steve says, casting a look around the room at small groups of chatting teenagers, a couple halfheartedly moving to the quiet music from the stereo.

“Please,” Chris scoffs. “This is _lame._ ”

Katie nods, leans into Jensen. “I agree.”

“Should go back to Steve's.”

“We just got here,” Steve reminds them, eyebrows slightly raised. “Let's at least hang out for a little while.”

Chris sighs heavily. “Fine.” As he stalks off towards the stereo in the corner, Katie hooks her arm through Jensen's like she's almost always done when they're together. But this time, Jensen feels Jared's gaze on him from across the room.

Katie follows his brief stare and gives Jared a cheery wave that he returns awkwardly. “Show me the refreshments table?” she asks.

“Right this way.” He leads Katie away from Jared's view and leans up against the wall as she debates between Diet Coke and Cherry Coke.

Under the buzz of conversation, Jensen can hear the static alternating with music as Chris searches for a better station that comes in clearly. It's apparent when he finds one because he turns it up loud and smirks at Chad before sauntering over to where Jensen, Steve, and Katie stand. “Party's still lame,” Chris says as he swipes the can of Cherry Coke from Katie's hand. She punches him in the shoulder but pops the tab on her Diet Coke without much more fuss.

“Let's give it an hour – we can see if Ally and Aldis show,” Steve reasons.

Another put-upon sigh from Chris makes Katie giggle. “You just don't like Chad.”

Chris shrugs. “That's true.” He folds an arm across his chest as he leans back against the wall next to Jensen and sips at his Cherry Coke as his eyes scan the faces of their fellow students.

Steve stands beside Katie, his back to the room, staring at Chris and Jensen. “Yeah. This does suck. And I don't really like Chad much, either. Is it cool if we bail?”

Jensen shrugs, glancing at Jared and Sandy, noting how they're still smooshed together on the chair. “Yeah. No point in you guys having to stick around if you don't wanna be here.”

Katie glances from Steve to Jensen to Chris and back to Steve. “I think I'll just hang out here with Jen.” Her gaze slips back to Jensen. “No point in you having to stick around by yourself when Jared's occupied.”

Chris and Steve share another of those wordless conversations and Chris nods, pushing off the wall, passing Jensen his can of Coke. “You want us to come back for you later?”

“Jared's brother's supposed to pick up me and Jay – we can probably take Katie home, too,” Jensen says.

“I've got Jamie's cell phone,” Katie says. “I can just call Jenna and they can come get me. No big.”

“Well, we'll probably just be hanging out in the garage if y'all get bored here,” Steve says, mostly to Jensen.

“Yeah. You should come jam.” Chris punches Jensen on the shoulder and dances away before he can strike back.

Jensen looks back over at Jared. “Yeah. Could be fun.”

“More fun than hangin' out _here._ ”

Jensen just shrugs again. “Maybe. We'll see.”

Steve grabs Chris by his collar and shoves him towards the door. “See you guys later.”

Katie takes up Chris' abandoned spot on the wall next to Jensen. “Bye,” she sings, eyes crossed, as she watches Chris walk away.

Chris crosses his eyes back and sticks his tongue out at her.

Katie grins and looks at Jensen out of the corner of her eye. “So.” She slides down the wall until her shoulder touches his bicep.

“What?” Jensen asks, glancing down at her.

She tilts her chin up, gesturing towards the far side of the room, towards Jared. “Jay?”

“What about him?” He has to divert his gaze from her intelligent blue stare. It's like she really does _know._

“Jen,” she sighs, then reaches out to put her half empty can on the table before looping her arm through his again. “Let's go outside, hmm?”

Jensen just nods and lets her lead. He purposely doesn't look at Jared as they pass.

Katie leads him to the edge of the driveway and leans against somebody's eighty-something Ford Ranger. “If I ask you something...will you promise not to get mad at me?”

He knows this can't be good, swallows hard against the knot rising in his throat. “I-” He pauses, swallows again, and takes a deep breath of cool, dusty air. “I promise.”

“You and Jay? Are you...” She shrugs, looks like she's struggling with the words. “...you know?”

Jensen immediately shakes his head. “No.”

“But you want to?”

“I don't- I don't know. Yeah? Maybe?” He buries his face in his hands, can't believe Katie's guessed this huge secret he himself had only just figured out. “What's _wrong_ with me?”

Katie hugs him, thin arms slipping around behind his neck and pulling his head down to her shoulder. “There's nothing wrong with you, Jen. Nothing at all. I swear.”

“But I just- every time I _see_ him I- He's my best friend, Katie.” He lets his hands drop and stands awkwardly in Katie's embrace.

“I know. And it sucks that he's with Sandy.”

“You gotta promise me – promise me you won't tell anyone.”

“I won't, Jen, promise. I'm not gonna out you.”

“Out-” His hands go to his mouth; he hadn't quite thought of it like that. _Out._ He hadn't thought of himself as _in._

Katie's cold fingers circle his wrists. “Hey. No freaking out, okay?” She steps even closer and looks him right in the eyes. “Look, Jen, I can't tell you I know how you feel 'cause I don't. I mean, I know what it's like to have to keep part of yourself a secret from everybody you know, but as far as what's going on with Jared...”

“ _Nothing_ 's going on with Jay.”

“I _know._ And that's the problem, right?” She pushes him towards a rickety picnic table and sits on top of it, feet on one of the benches. When Jensen settles beside her, she threads their arms together again and rests her head on his shoulder. “I've seen how he looks at you – I don't know if he even realizes he does it.” She squeezes his arm gently.

Jensen shrugs the best he can without dislodging Katie's head. Sure, he's noticed Jared looking at him – sometimes in a way that seems to reflect that feeling Jensen's just now beginning to put a name and meaning to. He'd thought he was seeing what he wanted to, but Katie's saying she's seen it, too. Still doesn't make it _mean_ anything. It's just a look. “He's my best friend,” he says again. “I'm not gonna risk losing that just because he _might_ be looking at me a certain way.”

“I know,” Katie tells him quietly, hugging his arm tight.

Eventually, Katie ends up under Jensen's arm, pressed against his side. They sit in near silence as other kids come and go, muted sounds of music and conversation filtering from the cabin and the yard to fill the spaces between their softly spoken words. When the music quiets and the conversation becomes a loud chatter, Jensen glances down at his watch. It's nearly midnight already.

Katie grabs his wrist and pulls him off the picnic table, excitedly heading towards the cabin. “Come on! I don't want to miss the countdown.”

Jensen could honestly care less about the stupid countdown. And he really doesn't want to go back into the cabin just to see Jared and Sandy kiss, because they probably will.

There's a large TV on a wide stand against the wall airing the ball dropping in Times Square in New York City and everybody's crowding around as the little clock at the bottom of the screen starts counting backwards from one minute.

Jensen doesn't scan the faces of the people around him, doesn't want to spot Jared, so he keeps his gaze focused on that little digital countdown clock. When the numbers flash _0:10_ , the crowd in the cabin starts counting down with the crowd in New York, everybody chanting as one. Except Jensen.

“Nine, eight, seven...” Katie's grip tightens on his arm as her voice rises. “Three, two, one, happy New Year!” She throws her arms around Jensen's neck and kisses him wetly on the cheek. She giggles happily as he paws at his face with the back of his sleeve.

“That was so not necessary.” He tries to glare at her but fails when he can't hold back his smile.

It's not long after that before the place starts clearing out. A Sandy-less Jared approaches Jensen and Katie not even ten minutes after midnight. “I'm gonna call my sister,” Katie says, nudging Jensen with her elbow. “See you guys later.”

“Bye, Katie.” Jensen watches her go, feels more vulnerable and kind of exposed without her by his side. He glances up at Jared. “Did Sandy go?”

“Yeah. Amanda's mom picked them up.” He's staring at Jensen, brow furrowed. “So...you and Katie, huh?”

“What? No. We're just friends.”

Jared nods slowly as though he doesn't believe Jensen's denial. “Hey, it's cool. Maybe we could,” he shrugs a shoulder, “double or something sometime.”

Jensen just stares at Jared. “Me and Katie aren't together, Jay. She's my friend.”

“Well, that's how me and Sandy started out and now look-”

“We're _just friends._ Just like you and me are just friends, Jay.” He doesn't know why Jared won't let this go, why he's pushing him and Katie together.

Jared catches his bottom lip between his teeth and nods once, lowered eyes looking everywhere but at Jensen. “Yeah. Okay. We should...” He gestures towards the door and heads out. A moment and a deep breath later, Jensen follows.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
The thing about Chad's parties is that they're really all the same. The same group of people, all at the same place, dancing or talking over the same obnoxious rap music Chad prefers. All that changes is who's with whom, the reason for the party (like Chad ever needs a    
_  
reason   
_   
), and, as they get older, the soda is replaced by alcohol.

The party Jared's at currently is celebrating the final day of their junior year. They're all, technically, seniors now. He's so excited for this last year of high school, can't wait to graduate and head off to college with Jensen.

They'd hit a rocky, awkward patch their freshman year as they tried to reconcile their incredibly close friendship with all the new ones they were forming, but they managed. They're still not quite to where they were that first summer, but it's so close.

Right now, they're kicking Chris and Steve's asses at beer pong – everybody's new favorite game, thanks to Steve's roommates back in Austin. Usually, Chad is Jared's partner while Jensen's the more responsible one in their group, taking on the role of DD, but their brothers are home from college and Jeff offered to pick them both up after the party.

And having Jensen as his teammate is _awesome!_ Mostly because Chad loses his hand-eye coordination after only a few beers. And he and Jensen are undefeated as they go into their fifth – and final, Jensen declares – round. They're both nearing drunk but, thankfully, are nowhere near as wasted as Chad and Aldis who are both camped out in the back yard recovering from an almost synchronized vomit-fest. It was like the fountain at the Bellagio in _Ocean's Eleven_ , but with less force. Jared grins at the thought and tosses his ping pong ball into one of the red Solo cups in front of Chris.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Chris groans, picking up the cup and downing the slightly warm beer in two big gulps before reaching into it for the ping pong ball.

Jensen's toss bounces off their homemade beer pong table and into the cup closest to them. He hoots and high fives Jared. They've had more physical contact in the past three hours than they've had in over a year. At least, _purposeful_ physical contact. Jared's always finding excuses to keep a bit of distance between them, but he just doesn't care tonight.

He and Sandy are back on again, but they're this-close to another break up. Which, yeah, he can admit is mostly his fault this time. But seriously, all he sees that's different between cheerleading and the _poms_ she does for dance is that her _poms_ is set to music and the girls on the dance team seem to be a lot more coordinated than the girls on the cheerleading squad. Sandy had argued that half the girls in cheer were also in dance and Jared had then made a comment about cheerleaders getting dropped during stunts possibly being the cause and it had taken Sandy a moment to realize what he was implying. She'd punched him on the shoulder and called him an insensitive asshole before storming off. He felt kind of bad when he remembered that Amanda had broken her leg in a freak accident doing some stunt at a football game last fall and he would have gone after her to apologize, but that was about the time Jensen showed up with Chris, Steve, and Katie.

So, Sandy's out back playing nursemaid to Aldis while Jared – well, Jared's pretty nearly forgotten about Sandy's existence because Jensen's just slung his arm over Jared's shoulders.

“Finish him,” Jensen says in an exaggeratedly deep voice, like this is a game of Mortal Kombat. Then he bursts out laughing, leaning heavily on Jared.

Jared laughs, too, and is so proud of himself for not wrapping both of his arms around Jensen and burying his face in Jensen's neck to breathe him in. Instead, he pretends he's Sub-Zero and sends his ping pong ball in a neat little arc right into the last cup. He throws his arms up, knocking Jensen's off his shoulders, and whoops. “K.O.!”

Chris is just shaking his head at him and flips them both the bird before slowly downing the cup of beer.

Jensen grabs Jared's hand and pulls him into his chest. “Dude, that was fuckin' awesome!” he says loudly, thumping Jared on the back.

Jared holds his breath, afraid of what he might do if he doesn't. “Yeah,” he agrees lamely, patting Jensen's back awkwardly before pulling away. “I'm- I'm gonna get another beer. You want anything?”

Jensen's smile goes crooked and he ducks his head as he rubs the back of his neck with his right hand. Jared expects him to flush pinker, as embarrassed as he looks. “Uh, no. I'm good. Thanks.”

Jared's not sure what reason Jensen has to be embarrassed – it's not like he's the one who gets hard at the faintest whiff of his best friend's cologne. He tries to think about Sandy as he heads over to the fridge to get the beer he doesn't really need, but he's starting to realize Sandy's an excuse and a distraction. She helps him feel guilty because of these feeling he has for Jensen that just won't go away. But they _have_ to. Because if Jensen finds out? Jared's pretty sure he's going to lose the best – and first _real_ \- friend he's ever had. He glances back to where Jensen's slouched in a chair across from Chris and Steve on the couch, Katie perched on the arm, and heads out towards the backyard to check on Chad and Aldis. He weaves around a couple of guys he knows from track and a few of Sandy's cheerleader friends, and squeezes sideways through the door around a girl arguing with her boyfriend.

Chad's passed out in the grass beside an overturned lawn chair and Sandy and Aldis are pressed close together on a bench swing, laughing over something Aldis just said. Jared takes a swig from his can and starts over towards them.

Sandy spots him first, her brown eyes widening just enough to make her look surprised as she puts a little bit of distance between herself and Aldis. Aldis just keeps on talking, completely unaware of Sandy guiltily scooting away. But he does notice that Sandy's attention is no longer focused on him and he follows her gaze. “Hey, _Jay_ -red,” he says, grinning widely. “What's up?”

Jared shakes his head. “Nothing. Just wanted to see how you and Chad were doin'.”

“I'm _fine._ Chad's like...he's not good, man.”

“Well, he deserves whatever's coming to him for what he did to Sophie,” Sandy says, crossing her arms over her chest.

Jared can't exactly argue with that – Chad _did_ sleep with some underclassman the weekend Sophia and the rest of the dance team had been gone for that competition in Dallas. Still, Chad's his friend. He just shrugs and turns away, making his way towards Chad.

Chad grunts and swats at him blindly when Jared nudges his ass with the toe of his sneaker.

“Dude, I think you're lying in your own puke,” Jared tells him, sips at his beer.

Chad rolls over at that and sits unsteadily, hands clutching at the sparse, dry grass as he sways. “I'm so fucking wasted,” he slurs, glassy eyes turning in Jared's general direction but not quite locating him.

“Yes, you are. How much did you have before we all got here?

“I dunno.” He scrubs a hand over his face and through his hair, listing to the side. “I fucked up. She's gonna go to Austin.”

“Austin isn’t that far away.”

“Nichols, dumbass.”

“Oh. So _that_ 's what this all's about?” He waves the hand not holding his beer in a vague circle.

Chad shrugs and pitches forward, nausea striking him anew and causing him to dry heave into the dirt between his knees.

Jared glances at his watch – it's almost one. Not too early to call it a night, especially considering Chad's state. Besides, Jeff's supposed to be out around two, and it'll give him a little time to help get things cleaned up. “Want me to start kickin' everybody out?”

“Thanks, Jay. I 'preciate it.”

“Not a problem. You just...hang out here.” He looks over to Sandy and Aldis and finishes his beer. “All right, guys, party's over! Chad's kickin' y'all out!” He pushes back into the cabin where he nearly trips over a couple making out on the floor – and he's about ninety-nine percent certain that it's the same couple that was arguing just minutes ago. He carefully steps over the guy's legs and hits the power button on the stereo, abruptly cutting Nelly off in the middle of his rap.

Every conversation stops as everybody turns to look at him. “What's goin' on, Jared?” James, a friend of Chad's from basketball, asks him as he pushes off the wall.

“It's time for everybody to _go_ \- Chad's orders! You know he can be a bitch when he's drunk.” That prompts a bunch of drunken giggling and loud laughter, but everybody slowly starts making their way towards the front door.

Jensen sidles up beside him after saying his goodbyes to Chris and Steve, braces his hands on the table behind him. “It would be so awesome if we played “Closing Time” right now.”

Chris must hear him as he tugs Katie up from the couch – or, maybe, he and Jensen are just that much alike – because he says, over the noise of people shuffling out, “You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.”

The only part Jared really remembers from the song is the chorus and, yeah, he knows who he wants to take him home. He slants a sideways glance at Jensen, takes in his friend's relaxed pose, and elbows one of his arms out from behind him.

Jensen makes an undignified noise and catches himself before he topples the table over. “You fucker.” It sounds more affectionate than threatening.

“I'm gonna go get Chad, then we can go wait for Jeff, okay?”

“Yeah. Meet you out front.”

James is helping Sandy with Aldis when Jared heads back outside. “I'm gonna make sure he gets home. I'll call you tomorrow.” She adjusts the strap of her purse on her shoulder and pushes past him without meeting his eyes. Jared expected about as much.

Chad's right where he left him, arms braced on his knees, face buried in an elbow. Jared goes to stand behind him, gets a hand under each armpit, and hauls Chad to his feet. “Wha' th' fuck?” Chad blurts, startled.

“C'mon, man. Let's get you inside.”

Chad relaxes when he hears Jared's voice, accepts the support Jared offers by slinging his arm around Jared's neck. “Thanks.”

Jared has to hunch over to Chad's level or bear all of Chad's weight to get him inside. Jensen laughs at the sight when they shuffle through the door sideways. “Shut up.”

Jensen smirks and goes back to picking up bottles and cans and tossing them into the half-full garbage bag he's dragging behind himself. He takes a swig from a can at the corner of the table and pauses at the look Jared gives him. “I just opened it. Jeff's not here yet and it's not like Murray can drink what's left in his fridge by himself.”

“Totally fuckin' could,” Chad argues, letting his arm slip from Jared's neck and collapsing onto the couch.

“He probably could.” Jared helps a little with what's left of the cleanup and opens himself another beer as well. He and Jensen head out the front door when Chad starts snoring and he closes the door behind himself. They lean against the bumper of Chad's Jeep and wait for Jeff, sipping at their beers.

“Big plans this summer?” Jensen asks after a couple minutes of silence.

Jared shrugs. “Not really. Might try to find a job or something.”

“Me, too. Katie said her parents might need a busboy at the diner, so I might apply for that.”

Jared scoffs under his breath. Katie. Of _course._ “Doesn't sound very fun.”

“Maybe not, but it's a job. School's not gonna pay for itself and it's not like I'm gonna be getting scholarships or anything, so...”

UT's been courting Jared for their track team since he won that State meet last year. They'd offered him a full-ride, pending his performance the rest of his high school career (both athletically and academically). It's where he and Jensen plan on going anyway, so he doesn't really have anything to worry about. He never gave much thought to how _Jensen_ would pay for college. He knows Josh got into UT on an academic scholarship, that their parents don't quite have the money to be paying for _everything._ He sighs, hoping he didn't bring up a sore subject. They don't talk about their families as much as they did when they first met, so it's not like he _knows._ “Yeah,” he says.

They fall quiet again and it isn't until a car slows on the winding stretch of highway at the end of Chad's driveway that Jensen speaks. “Race you.” He tosses his empty can towards the front door and takes off down the hill.

“You don't stand a chance!” Jared hollers, throwing his can into one of the low bushes and heading after Jensen. “Told you,” Jared laughs when he catches up.

Jensen throws out an arm to keep Jared back but it catches him by surprise and Jared grabs it, then Jensen's stumbling with Jared's forward momentum, falling, and Jared goes with him. Jensen hits the ground first, Jared collapsing onto him hard enough to knock the wind out of the both of them. “Holy shit,” Jensen wheezes. “You're a fucking _cow._ Get offa me.”

“I am not a cow. _You're_ a cow.”

“I am not.”

“Are too. Moo.” Jared dissolves into a fit of high-pitched laughter that is most definitely _not_ giggles.

They wrestle until Jensen's got Jared pinned down with his slightly heavier frame. “Say mercy.”

“Moo.” Jared's still chuckling, giddy from the contact. This feels like that time they'd fought over that disposable camera in his living room after a game of Battleship.

“Say it.” Jensen looks more serious than Jared can remember and it makes Jared laugh aloud again.

He squirms against Jensen, feels himself already starting to get hard, regardless of how much alcohol he's had. “Never!”

“Jay,” Jensen gets down in his face, “say it.”

“Mmm,” he starts, and when he feels Jensen's grip on his wrists loosen, he shoves his friend to the ground and straddles his hips. “Moo!” he laughs. Then he realizes his position, how close they are, and the laughter dies on his lips. This is his moment - _the_ moment. He doesn't hesitate as he leans down and covers Jensen's slack mouth with his own.

But Jensen just lays there, unmoving, not responding, beneath him in the dark.

Jared's heart does this weird thing where it stutters a beat and feels like it stops altogether before he nearly jumps off of Jensen, collapsing to his back in the dirt. “Fuck. I'm sorry, Jen. I'm so drunk, I didn't- I shouldn't. Fuck.” He climbs to his feet and practically runs down the hill at a speed that nearly matches that of his racing mind and down the driveway to where Jeff's parked. He's breathing hard when he reaches the Camaro. He can't even look back to see how close behind him Jensen is and just climbs into the backseat, leaving the door open.

Jensen climbs in a minute later and Jared can feel the tension like a rubber band about to snap. “Hey,” he says to Jeff, voice awkwardly pitched.

Jeff laughs and puts the car in drive. “You guys look like you had some fun,” he says, glancing at Jared in the rearview mirror.

“I've _never_ been this drunk in my life,” Jared replies, hoping Jensen hears the apology and not his disappointment.

Jensen doesn't say a word.

 

 **  
\----------   
**

  
At first, Jensen avoids Jared as best he can. He applies at Cassidy's Cafe and works whatever hours he can get, spends most of his free time with Chris and Steve in Steve's garage.

Jared doesn't call – of course, Jensen doesn't quite expect him to. He still can't wrap his mind around what happened that night at Chad's. Everything had gone fine up until- God, he still gets hard thinking about it, Jared's weight above him, the slick heat of his mouth and the wet slide of his tongue over Jensen's lips.

He glances around the bus at the few passengers and readjusts himself in his jeans, wonders what would've happened if he'd kissed Jared back like he'd wanted. He was inches away from gripping Jared's hips to grind against him, hands close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body. And what he'd feared would happen the moment he opened his mouth to kiss back ended up happening anyway – Jared's full denial of what he'd done. That he'd only done it because he was drunk. And Jensen was inclined to believe him. It wasn't like Jared had ever hinted at even possibly being bi-curious, much less _interested_ in him. Or guys in general. It was a mistake. But Jensen can't stop replaying it in his mind.

A month has passed since the party and nothing's changed. It's like there's some kind of unwritten agreement to not make eye contact during the Padalecki's Fourth of July party – they end up involved in the same conversations at points but don't actually speak to each other. It's awkward and Jensen hates it. He wants to fix it, but doesn't know how to without telling Jared that what he did was okay, that Jensen _liked_ it.

A couple weeks after the Fourth of July party, Jensen has to beg off the annual camping trip they take – this year it coincides with Jared's birthday – because there's no way they can share a car ride or a weekend together, much less a tent, if they're not speaking. He hasn't told anyone – not even Katie – that he and Jared aren't talking. He can't explain to his family or Chris and Steve the _why_ of the situation, so he just makes excuses about working and Jared being busy and hopes nobody pushes the issue.

Then school starts and they can't avoid each other anymore.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jared had spent most of his summer hanging out with Chad and not much has really changed since school started. He and Sandy broke up not long after Chad's big, school-year-ending party and now she's with Aldis. Which is okay, really, and they're all still friends. Jared only wishes things with Jensen could've worked out as well because all the avoiding is hard and he knows he screwed up and he doesn't know how he's supposed to fix it. It's all his fault.

The first track meet of the season, Jared carefully searches the faces of all the onlookers – his teammates' parents, some coaches, a few students – but doesn't find the one he's looking for. Instead, it's Ally he sees with the strap of one of the yearbook's digital cameras around her neck as she stakes out a spot near the starting line, gaze focused on the viewscreen inches from her nose. She pans the lens across the runners and Jared knows when she sees him because she smiles and glances up at him, offering a small wave that he returns. He's not sure if he's relieved or disappointed that Jensen's not here.

Jared gets set in his box, poised for the _crack_ of the starting pistol. When the shot rings out, his body moves on pure instinct – running's always been easy – and in a few quick, well-paced strides, he's ahead of the pack. He listens to the sound of his spikes sinking into the ground with each footfall, measures each draw of humid air he takes into his lungs and counts out the exhale, lets everything else fade away.

Through the trees, up a hill, across an open field, downhill, uphill, trees again, another field, loop back around. His strides eat up the distance and the end of the 5k course is in sight. His muscles burn pleasantly with the exertion, sweat slicking down his spine and dripping down his temples in the Texas heat, and he feels it in his bones even as he feels the gap between him and the runners behind him narrowing as they near the finish line – he's going to break his personal best for this course.

As Jared approaches the chute, sounds start filtering in over the bass-line boom of his heartbeat in his ears. He hears the crowd, then his own breathing, then the harsh exhales of the runner behind him. The last few meters, he pushes harder, puts another couple of feet (a couple of seconds, if he's lucky) between himself and the guy that's going to finish second place.

That's when his gaze lands on Jensen right at the front of the crowd of spectators. Jared falters but it's not enough to set him back. If anything, it just makes him push even more and he's through the chute seconds over sixteen and a half minutes.

Jared's so thrown by Jensen's presence at first that he starts walking over towards the crowd to ask Jensen what he's doing here, but then he catches sight of the camera in Jensen's hands and he feels like an idiot. He's probably just taking yearbook pictures like Ally, or maybe they're for the school paper. Either way, he's not here for Jared, he's just doing his duties as a student photographer.

But Jensen surprises him by being the one to make a move after Jared alters his course and heads for his teammates. Jensen intercepts him halfway between the finish line and where Chad and Aldis are sitting in the grass on the shallow rise of a hill.

“Hey.” Jensen's voice is quiet and he glances at Jared's face without meeting his eyes, his expression not giving anything away. “You think- think, maybe, we could talk?”

Jared's stomach clenches painfully as a thousand different ideas of what Jensen could possibly want to talk to him about fly through his mind. None of them are good and most of them end with Jensen telling him they can't ever be friends again. That he's disgusted and he thinks it's wrong and that he never wants to see Jared again. Jared thinks about all the plans they made together, for senior year and for college, and suddenly he doesn't know what his future holds if Jensen's not in it. And it's a terrifying feeling. “I- I, uh, can't. Chad's waiting. Sorry.” He bolts before Jensen can respond.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen had tried – had tried more than once – to talk to Jared when he realized that he couldn't let things just    
_  
be   
_   
the way they were. He had been prepared to tell Jared that they were both drunk that night and his whole memory of what happened was pretty hazy and that it isn’t a big deal, it doesn’t matter. But there is a tiny, miniscule, sub-atomic-sized piece of himself that tells him if he told    
_  
Jared   
_   
that, any chance – however slight or improbable – he had of Jared's feelings or curiosity being genuine, he'd lose it altogether. But he has to risk it if he wants his friend back.

Jared finds an excuse to ditch him every time, and it's usually Chad. They're constantly together and everybody in their group has picked up on the change in their dynamic. Katie's guessed at what's going on, but Jensen is too hurt by what happened to tell her in full detail. Chris and Steve are concerned – even if they don't explicitly know how he feels for Jared, they know how close they are. Or _were._ Even Sandy, of all people, has asked him if he and Jared are okay. So he keeps up with the lies. Sure, they're fine, just busy with other things.

When Christmas rolls around, and they still aren't speaking, he's glad that Katie and Chris convinced him to send in his application and portfolio to the Art Institute in Chicago. He also applies to UT Dallas and A&M (just to spite Jared simply because he loathes the Aggies). Jensen invites Katie to the Padalecki's Christmas party and they skip out early and head over to Steve's. The garage has become his favorite refuge, taking the place Jared's living room once held.

New Year's brings another of Chad's parties and Jensen sits it out, even though everybody else in their group is going. Katie calls before she leaves. “Are you sure? We could just stop out for a little bit.”

“No, it's cool. Besides, my parents and Jay- Jared's parents went out so I've got Mack and Megan out in the living room to keep an eye on,” he tells her as he least against the kitchen counter, watching the cheese bubbling on his sausage and pepperoni pizza.

“Jen,” she whines. “You probably volunteered to babysit just so you had an excuse to not go.”

“Mack prefers _supervise_. And, yeah, maybe I did.”

“Are you ever gonna tell me what happened?”

Jensen shrugs and shakes his head. “I don't know.”

“Yeah, well...” She sighs. “Don't have too much fun tonight, Jen.”

“I won't, I promise. Good luck keeping Chris and Steve out of trouble.”

“Thanks. I'll see you at work tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. I'll be in at eleven.”

“Okay. Bye, Jen.”

“Talk to you later, Katie.”

 **  
\----------   
**

Jared kisses Chad for the first time on Jensen's birthday. It's a Saturday so they're hanging out at the cabin, but Sophia and Austin are officially a couple and Chad's not in the partying mood, so it's just the two of them and a thirty pack.

Jared listens to Chad angst about Sophia and keeps his own misery over missing Jensen's birthday to himself. He shouldn't have expected any less after Jensen ditched their annual camping trip – the one that happened at the same time as his birthday this year.

He's not sure who initiates it but they're both leaning in and he opens his mouth to Chad's questing tongue and he wishes it was Jensen he was kissing, maybe even pretends a little bit when Chad gasps against his mouth and kisses him harder. It's better than kissing Sandy and somehow better than kissing Jensen, only for the fact that Chad's kissing back and, when he pulls away, it's to set their cans on the coffee table so they don't spill all over themselves when they start making out in earnest.

“This isn't gonna make things weird, right?” Chad asks, biting his lip as he stares at Jared's mouth.

Jared shakes his head. “No. We're cool. It's just...this.”

Chad nods and claims Jared's mouth again.

It's easy to pretend Chad's Jensen until Chad breathes out his name.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen only goes to Chad's big, Spring Break Kick-off party because Katie literally begs him on her knees to go. Chris and Steve have had enough of Chad's parties and refuse to even hear word of them. Besides, Jared's guaranteed to be there, and the end of the year is coming up and they're going to be graduating and they need to get this    
_  
thing   
_   
between them resolved. One way or the other, they can't keep dancing around the issue, hanging out on the periphery of each other's lives, forever.

There are a couple of whispers and a handful of glances when they arrive around eleven – it's been nearly a year since Jensen's shown up to one of Chad's parties, after all. But Katie squeezes his hand reassuringly and gets them each a beer from a cooler spray-painted with Aldis' name near the end of the couch. Jared and Chad are playing beer pong against Aldis and Ally, but Jared doesn't acknowledge that Jensen's right there even after Chad loudly tells him, “Dude, Katie's here with _Jensen,_ ” like it means something, and Jensen has to wonder what Jared's told him – if he's telling it like Jensen's the one that came on to _him_ , if he's told anybody at all.

Jensen scoffs, knows this was a bad idea, but he promised Katie at least an hour. He gives Aldis a nod and returns Ally's enthusiastic wave with a genuine smile. She bounds over to him, somewhat unsteadily, when the game's over and grabs his arm then hugs him tight. “Katie told me about art school,” she grins. “Are you going? You should go! I have a friend – Mike – who goes there. It's his second year and he loves it. You know I'm from Chicago, right?”

Jensen raises an eyebrow at Katie when she joins them and she just kind of shrugs. “What? _Sorry._ We were talking about who was going where and she asked me about you and I couldn't not tell her you got in.” She looks at Ally. “Full ride, did I tell you?”

Ally's eyes widen and she lets out a little squeal. “You _have_ to go, Jensen.”

“I'm still thinking. It's not the only place that accepted me, you know,” he tells her.

“Come on, though. Art school. Full ride. You take such amazing pictures, I don't see why you wouldn't go.”

Katie gives Jensen a smug look. “See? Now you just have to tell your parents.”

It takes a little while, but Jensen eventually gets the girls off his case and onto talking about Sandy and Aldis. By then, he's put in more than the hour he'd promised Katie. All he needs to do is hit the bathroom, then he can leave. There's a line outside the bathroom door four girls deep, so he just bypasses it completely and heads out the back door. It'll be faster to just find a tree outside. But as he rounds the back of the cabin out of the brightness of the flood-light mounted on a pole in the middle of the backyard, he catches sight of Jared pinning Chad up against the side of the building, kissing him enthusiastically. It feels like the earth stops spinning, like gravity is failing, with the sudden swell of panic that rises in his chest to force the air out of his lungs as his stomach rolls with vertigo. He stumbles over his own feet in his haste to turn away, but the image is already seared into his mind. “Oh, God,” he breathes, sucks in a shaky lungful of air in a failed attempt to calm himself. He can't - “Oh, fuck.” - can't stay here. Can't do this. He only has half a mind to find Katie and let her know he's going.

“Hey. You okay?” she asks, grabbing a handful of his sweatshirt to keep him in place.

“Yeah, Kate, fine. Just ready to go.”

“You're good to drive?” She pins him with a concerned look.

“Barely had half a beer. I'm fine.”

“Call me tomorrow, okay? I know it's your day off, but...”

“Yeah. Later.”

“Bye.”

He can't get out to his car fast enough, isn't sure if he wants to throw up or cry as soon as he gets himself shut inside. He can't believe what he's just seen. All this time and he thought Jared didn't like guys, that what happened with them was all a mistake, that he didn't have a chance. But maybe he does. Or, maybe, Jared thought he liked Chad but had to make sure he liked guys first and tested his bi-curiosity on Jensen. And that thought makes him feel even sicker.

He barely makes it three miles down the highway when a deer runs out into the road in front of him, he's so distracted by his thoughts of Jared, of Jared and Chad, and there's just no time to stop. All he has time to register is the animal in his headlights, the sudden sixty-mile-an-hour impact of crunching metal and glass, and the squeal of his tires on the asphalt, before everything goes dark.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jared spent the night at the cabin with Chad, knew he'd probably be too drunk to drive (that seemed to happen a lot since the whole incident with Jensen). So Chad takes him home in the morning. They pass skid marks and blood on the highway a couple miles down from the cabin's driveway, mangled deer carcass laying in the grass just beyond the gravel shoulder, tempered glass fragments glittering at the edge of the road. “That's so nasty,” Chad says, making a face.

“Looks awfully fresh.” Jared glances back at the marks in his side mirror.

“Probably some drunk douche, didn't see the retarded thing standing there.”

Jared laughs humorlessly because that's probably true – he reads about it in the paper all the time.

When Chad pulls up along the curb in front of Jared's house, he juts his chin towards Jared's window. Jared's dad is stalking across the lawn. “Dude, I hope you're not in trouble.”

Jared's got the car door open the minute he sees his father's expression. “I'll see you later, Chad.”

“Where have you been?” his father demands, worry etched into the lines of his face. “I've been calling you for hours.”

“I was at Chad's. I told you I was staying. And my phone died last night and I didn't think to take my charger. Why? What's going on?”

“There was an accident-”

“ _What?_ Who, Dad? Mom? Meg?”

“Jensen.”

The world kind of skews at the unexpected answer. “Is he...?”

“I don't know, Jay. They were taking him back into surgery the last time I spoke with your mother.”

Jared's blindly following his father to the garage, Chad completely forgotten. “What- what happened? What kind of accident?”

“He- he hit a deer early this morning out on 173. State trooper found him.”

Jared's mind flashes back to the skid marks and bloodstains on the pavement, the buck on the side of the road, and his stomach lurches.

He's on the verge of throwing up the whole ride to the hospital – he can't remember ever seeing his dad this shaken at anything. The feeling only gets worse when he lays eyes on Donna in the waiting room because she looks like she's been crying.

She hugs Jared hard and smiles up at him when she pulls away, green eyes bright with unshed tears. “He's okay, Jared. He's fine.”

Jared feels like he can breathe again. “What- Dad said he was in surgery.”

“His left arm is broken and he-” Her weak smile is completely gone now and the tears start to fall. “He broke a couple ribs when the-” She mimes something hitting her chest and takes a ragged breath. “Punctured his lung, but it- it wasn't that bad, the doctor said. He was unconscious when they found him, so...” She hugs Jared again. “He'll be glad you're here. He can't have visitors until later, but he's awake and in a recovery room.”

Jared isn't so sure that Jensen'll be happy to see him.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen's a little bleary and a lot tired from the pain medication the doctor has him on. He's mostly blissfully numb, but if he breathes too deep or thinks about Jared, he can feel the sharp catch-pull in his chest that brings tears to his eyes. The TV mounted in the corner of the room near the ceiling is tuned to the six o'clock news, the volume turned low, and he's not quite asleep when the quiet creak of his door interrupts the weather report. Feigning sleep isn't something he's ever been good at, so he doesn't even try. Just slowly blinks his eyes open because his visitor's absolute silence has piqued his curiosity. As soon as he recognizes the face – that painfully familiar face – he can hear the beeping of his heart monitor increase with his pulse and he wishes he could have just kept his eyes closed.

Jared takes half a step closer to the plastic-framed hospital bed, unreadable expression on his face, bright, damp eyes lighting on the banks of monitors to Jensen's left and right. “Hey, Jen,” he greets him with an awkward smile and a hitch in his breath.

Jensen's mind flashes on the previous night, what he saw, Jared's mouth pressed hard against Chad's. And he's so angry. “What are you doing here?” he rasps, voice rough with disuse and from the tube they had to put down his throat to reinflate his lung.

“My dad-”

It hurts to think it, so he knows it'll nearly kill him to say it, but he has to. “I don't want you here, Jay.”

Jared moves closer to the bed and Jensen can see the tears in his eyes. “Jen.”

“I know,” he says. “I know about you and Chad.”

Jared's eyes widen, a tear slipping free and trekking a silver trail over his cheek. He shakes his head. “It wasn't- It's _not._ ”

He doesn't know what Jared's trying to say, isn't sure he cares. And if he knew with one hundred percent certainty that he wouldn't be struck with a violent urge to throw up, he'd roll his eyes at this whole clichéd situation. Staring at Jared's glassy, beseeching gaze, he wonders if this is the part where he's supposed to confess his jealousy of Chad and his undying love for Jared. But envious of Chad? Right now, he's definitely not. And, while a part of him knows he's always going to love Jared, he's mostly just really pissed and feels beyond betrayed. “Doesn't matter. Can you just go? Please?”

“Jen,” he tries again, the word a plea. “We- we're gonna be _okay_ , right?”

Jensen tries to turn away, but the pain in his side from his broken ribs and the cast on his arm make it almost impossible for him to move. “I don't think so.”

“What about UT?” Jared asks, voice smaller and quieter than Jensen's heard it. The question's about more than just college, he understands – it's about the vague future they'd planned together.

“I'm not going,” he decides suddenly. The look on Jared's face is nothing but hurt confusion and Jensen interrupts before he can protest. “I'm going to an art school in Chicago. Guess we've all got secrets, huh?” It's a low, hypocritical blow, but he's got to get Jared out of here.

It works. Jared swallows audibly hard and nods at Jensen, keeping his gaze averted. “Okay,” he says shakily, slowly backing away, heading for the exit. “Goodbye, Jensen.”

Jensen doesn't look towards the door until he hears it close, and he feels more alone now than he did when he'd first moved nearly four years ago.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Everything is more strained and colder than it had been when they'd first started avoiding each other when Jensen comes back to school two weeks after the accident. But everybody seems to have learned from last time because no one asks him what happened. Only Chad knows, thanks to a drunken confession a week after Jensen had been back. Jared had told him    
_  
everything   
_   
, not just that Jensen had caught them making out. Told him about the kiss Jensen didn't return and the feelings he'd been harboring for years but could never speak of.

Chad kisses him and pushes him down to the couch cushions, climbing onto his lap. They make out through an entire Incubus CD, but Jared's desperate to feel something other than the constant ache in his chest and they go further than they have yet.

Jared regrets it as soon as he realizes what he's done. He's officially alienated himself from his best friends.

 

There's an incredibly awkward moment at graduation when his and Jensen's parents force them together for pictures, but nobody seems to notice the tension between them when Jared throws his arm over Jensen's shoulders and pulls him right up against his side and Jensen hesitates, standing stiff for the briefest moment before settling against Jared. They stand there and pose and smile, and Jensen all but runs away from him when he catches sight of Chris.

Regardless of how weird things had gotten by the end of the year, most of his friends show up to his graduation party. Sandy and Aldis arrive together, Ally tagging along, and they pass off small wrapped gifts: a new copy of Our Lady Peace's _Gravity_ from Sandy because she knows how scratched his first one had become, and a mixed CD from Aldis of all the songs he likes running to. Aldis is bound for A &M so they're going to be rivals. “You better bring your A-game,” he says, jabbing Jared in the chest.

“You know I will.”

Ally hands him her gift with a sad smile. She's always been more Jensen's friend than his – they'd met on the yearbook staff and worked together on the school newspaper, too – but she and Jared have plenty enough in common that they're still friends in their own right. The package she gives him isn't the obvious thin square of a CD case, but he's not left guessing because she tells him what it is anyway. “I was taking pictures at Chad's spring break party,” she says. “Jensen was too drunk to and, so...” She gestures at the rectangular gift in Jared's hands. “I don't know what happened to you guys, what you fought about, but I'm sorry. You were so happy that night – both of you – and I hope you can find a way past whatever this is.”

Jared hugs her quickly and holds the picture frame to his chest. “I don't know if we will, but thanks, Ally. I really appreciate this.”

She squeezes his forearm and heads over to Aldis and Sandy at the food table.

Jensen's parents arrive with Mackenzie, but there's no Jensen in sight. Jared approaches the Ackles' with a smile, hugging Donna lightly, then shaking Alan's hand. He feigns nonchalance as he glances behind them. “Where's Jensen?”

Alan and Donna share a look before Jensen's mother speaks. “He didn't tell you?”

“Tell me...?” He almost forgot that they don't know he and Jensen aren't exactly friends these days.

“He left this morning, Jared,” she says gently.

“What?” He'd expected Jensen to maybe be working or something _else_ , but gone?

“There's some summer class or workshop that he was able to get into last-minute and he...” Donna trails off and Alan puts a hand on Jared's shoulder.

“Jay, are you all right?” Jensen's father asks.

Jared finally lets out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. “Uh, yeah, sorry, I- he didn't-” Alan gives his shoulder a squeeze as the man shares another look with his wife before taking his leave and heading for Jared's dad.

“He left something for you at the house,” Donna tells him, laying a hand on his arm. “You can stop by whenever.”

“Could I, after?”

Donna smiles at him sadly. “Of course, honey.”

Even though Jared _knows_ Jensen's not coming, he can't help the giddy hope that rises in his chest every time the wooden gate creaks open. But Jensen's never there, and it feels like Jared's heart is being torn from his body with each smile that isn't Jensen's.

It's after ten before he finally kicks the last of his friends out and he's suddenly terrified to find out whatever it is Jensen left behind for him. He bides his time with cleaning up, throwing things away, but there really isn't much to be done. As he heads down the front sidewalk, part of him hopes that the Ackles' are already in bed and he can put this off for another day, but the porch light is on and Donna meets him at the door.

“If it's too late I can come back some other time.”

“Don't be silly. Come in.”

Jared walks into the house that's just as familiar as his own home, granted it's been over a year since he's stepped foot inside it.

“It's a box, up in his room. I can bring it down or you can go ahead and go up if you want.”

“Is that-” he starts, gesturing with his thumb towards the stairs. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it's okay.” She presses a gentle hand to his cheek before heading into the living room.

There's a cardboard box sitting at the foot of Jensen's bed, flaps folded closed, Jared's name scrawled in a familiar, all-caps chicken scratch across the side in black Sharpie. He takes a deep, steadying breath before sitting on the edge of the mattress and pulling the box open. The first thing he sees is the old, gray Longhorns sweatshirt he hasn't seen in over a year and a half that he'd thought for sure had perished in a bonfire at one of Chad's cabin parties. That Jensen's kept it all this time says something – something profound, maybe – but Jared's not quite sure what it is. Beneath the worn sweatshirt are pictures – what must be hundreds of pictures – spanning from the first summer they met up until Jared's track meet in the fall when Jensen had attempted to make amends.

The pictures from earlier in their friendship show two happy, carefree boys. In the beginning, the distance between them in the pictures shortened, the way they looked at each other changed; then they weren't alone in the photographs and the distance between them grew as their friends separated them. If it was friends keeping them apart as a group, it was awkward tension when they were alone. It starts to show in their faces, in their forced smiles that don't quite reach their eyes.

 

Jared had been aware of the distance - felt it like a physical ache - but to    
_  
see   
_   
it like this, after everything that had happened, it's tangible evidence of how far they've drifted apart.

 

And, now, that gap feels like a gulf.

 

 **  
\----------   
**

  
The summer session is a contemporary photography workshop and Jensen's learning new techniques and making friends, and everything he left back in San Antonio starts to feel like a memory. He'd called his mom a couple days after he got settled and she gave him hell for not telling Jared about his plans to leave. He told her as much of the truth as he could, that they'd fought and he felt bad about it. Which he    
_  
does.   
_   
He does feel guilty to an extent and regrets ever going to Chad's spring break party because he and Jared would probably be fine now, spending their last summer in San Antonio together before heading to Austin with Chris and Katie for college.

As much as he wishes he could change things, Jensen is glad that he's in Chicago. He's rooming with Ally's friend Mike and they get along really well. Mike's friend, Tom, is back from New York for the summer and they get along even better.

Mike gets them into some bar on the outskirts of one of Chicago's suburbs and Jensen and Tom _really_ hit it off. Tom's a model and he's willing to let Jensen takes some pictures of him to bulk up his portfolio – most of what Jensen has in there now are photos of Jared, or the two of them together, and he can't legally display those without Jared's permission, so he tucks them all away in a manila envelope that he keeps buried at the bottom of the drawer under his neatly folded jeans.

They sprawl into a booth in a dimly lit back corner, Tom opting to take the seat next to Jensen. Jensen's not dumb, recognizes the intent he sees in Tom's heavy-lidded blue eyes. Tom gives Mike a meaningful look and Mike shakes his head before excusing himself.

Jensen lets Tom press him into the corner of the booth against the wall, their backs to the rest of the room and nearly invisible in the dim space, and opens his mouth to Tom's when the slightly taller man leans over and kisses him. It doesn't go much further than that the first night, but, when they leave and he and Mike go back to campus while Tom heads home, the expression on Mike's face turns serious.

“Do you know what you're doing, Jensen?”

Jensen shrugs, fumbles his keys out of the pocket of his jeans. “What do you mean?”

“With Tom. He's my best friend and I like you and all – I do. But you seem kind of hung up on somebody else. And Tom, he's a good guy, always sees the best in people, and he lets himself get hurt.”

“We- we're not even _doing_ anything, Mike.”

“Are you even gay?” Mike asks outright the moment they're inside their dorm room. “'Cause I've known you for a month and I had no idea.”

“Just hasn't come up.”

Mike cracks up at that, and it takes Jensen a moment to catch on before he starts laughing, too. “Okay, okay. So, you are?”

Jensen shrugs and collapses onto his bed. “I think so? I've never been interested in girls and there was this guy in high school. He was my best friend.” He tilts his head to the side to look at Mike, who's straddling Jensen’s desk chair and staring at him. “My family moved from Dallas to San Antonio the summer before my freshman year,” he starts and regales Mike with the beginning of the tale of his and Jared's doomed friendship. “We practically spent every waking moment together that summer. I was completely gone for him a month after I met him, but I didn't realize it until a while later exactly what it was I was feeling.”

“So what happened?”

“Like I said, we were best friends. He made me change, become this,” Jensen laughs and shakes his head, “better person. I didn't want to let him down like I did everybody else. We were so different. He kind of toned me down and I helped him get out of his shell a little, I think. He's smart, but he was a total geek back then. And I thought I was a bad-ass. We were loners in our own right before we met, then it was just the two of us. When high school started, he made new friends and so did I. We got busier and couldn't spend as much time together. Things were hard for a while, but we figured it out. Things were okay.”

“I'm sensing bad news ahead.”

Jensen snorts. “Yeah. That's kind of an understatement.”

Mike stands from the chair and pushes some things aside in his closet, producing a bottle of Wild Turkey. He twists off the lid and hands it Jensen.

“Thanks.” He takes a swig, passes the bottle back. “Everything was fine until this party at the end of our junior year. Jared's got this friend Chad who's known for his parties-”

“Kinda like me.”

“But this guy's like, a douche. Constantly cheated on his girlfriends and- Well, anyway. This party. Me and Jared ended up getting trashed playing beer pong – we were undefeated.” He shakes his head, remembering that night, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Uh, later, when we left – his brother came out to get us – we, for God only _knows_ what reason, decided to race each other down the hill and we both fell.”

“Then what?” Mike asks, tipping the chair up onto two legs.

“He kissed me. _He_ fucking kissed _me._ I was too shocked to breathe, let alone _move._ And I think- I think he picked up on that because he suddenly backed off. Literally ran away from me, making excuses about how drunk he was. How it was just this big mistake.”

“Maybe he was embarrassed because you didn't, you know, respond?”

“I hoped that's what it was, but whenever I tried to talk to him, he'd blow me off. Avoided me. Things were beyond awkward. The only time we talked to each other was in front of our friends at school because we couldn't avoid it.”

“So, you haven't spoken to him?”

Jensen shrugs. He and Jared had spoken on a couple other occasions. “That's not the end of it, though.”

“There's _more_?”

“Yeah.” He reaches for the bottle again. “Remember Chad? Well, he had this other party spring break of our senior year. Another friend of mine dragged me out there. I saw them together, Chad and Jared. Making out. It was like it was _me_ he couldn't deal with. He couldn't even _talk_ to me. I don't know how things got to where they were; just too many secrets, I guess.

“I was in an accident that night and when he came to see me in the hospital, I told him I knew about him and Chad. Then I told him to leave. We made all these plans that first summer. We were supposed to go to UT Austin together. But I told him I was coming here instead.” He pauses, stares at his hands clasped between his knees. “After graduation, I just left without saying goodbye. It was shitty, I know, but...I didn't know what else to do. We can't fix what happened.” Shrugging, Jensen takes a long pull from the bottle and hands it back. “So, yeah. I like Tom.”

Mike chuckles, drinks from the bottle then recaps it. “Okay.”

 **  
\----------   
**

  
The first semester of school has passed quickly and Jared's packed and ready to head home for the holiday break. He's got all of his and Ally's things secured in the back of his truck – it's just a matter of waiting on Chris, now, so Jared meanders across the parking lot to Chris' dorm.

Ally's sprawled across Chris' bed when Jared knocks on the open door and enters the room. “Hey, Jay,” she greets, tilting her head back to look at him upside down as she flips through an old, dog-eared paperback.

“Hey, Ally,” Jared says as he drops onto Chris' desk chair in front of his open laptop. The web browser is open to Chris and Steve's Myspace page. “Are these new?” he asks of the photos, clicking on a thumbnail to bring up the full-size image.

“Yeah. They're the ones I took when we went up to Chicago for Thanksgiving.” Ally's off the bed and by Jared's side a moment later to look at her handiwork over his shoulder.

There are a lot of shots of Chris and Steve on stage – setting up, doing what Jared recognizes as a sound-check, in mid-performance – as well as a few off stage, sitting around a table with Jensen and a couple other guys that Jared doesn't recognize. One photo in particular – the one with a tall, dark haired guy with his arm casually slung over Jensen's shoulder, holding him close as they both grin at the camera – catches Jared's eye. “Who's this?” Jared glances over his shoulder at Ally.

Ally turns towards Chris who drops the shirt he's half-assed folded on top of his duffel. “That's Tom,” Chris says.

“He's a friend of Mike's.” She points to the bald guy out of focus in the background of the picture. “He's who Jensen's rooming with and a good friend of mine. Tom's kind of a friend of mine, too.” She looks at Chris again and it feels like one of those wordless conversations Chris and Steve have all the time.

Jared wonders what they're trying to hide. He clicks through to the next picture and it's pretty obvious that Jensen and _Tom_ are a little closer than just _friends._ Another click, another picture. It's dim in the bar or club or wherever the hell Chris and Steve performed but Jared can clearly see Jensen and _Tom_ behind Steve, Chris, Ally, and the guy that must be Mike. They're kissing. “Just friends?”

“It's not really any of your business, is it.” The way Chris says it makes it sound like fact and, while Jared doesn't think he says it to be mean – that it's probably more in defense of his friendship with Jensen – it stings just the same. Besides, it's not like Chris or Ally even know how Jared really feels about Jensen.

Chris finishes up packing pretty fast after that and they're on the road as the sun's starting to set at 5:30. The whole drive back, Jared obsesses over the picture and what it means. And, after the first couple of failed attempts at including him in conversation, Chris and Ally give up and talk amongst themselves about their plans for Christmas break.

Jared drops Chris off first, receiving a gruff 'thanks' when Jared helps him with the few bags he's got in the back of the truck. Ally hesitates in the cab, fingers curled around the door handle, when Jared parks in her driveway. She turns on the bench seat to face him. “Like Chris said, it's not really any of your business,” she begins. “But...I'd rather you hear about it from a friend than through idle gossip somewhere else.”

Jared's not exactly in the loop on any kind of idle gossip, especially the kind that would involve Jensen who's some twelve-hundred miles away, but he turns the radio down and focuses all of his attention on Ally. “Hear what?”

“Jensen...” She bites at her lip and clenches at the hem of her bright orange UT sweatshirt. “He's gay. Tom's Jensen's boyfriend.”

“Oh.” He's not sure what else to say. It's exactly what he'd assumed, looking at the pictures, but it still manages to catch him off guard.

“It kind of came as a surprise to me and Steve, too. I think Katie suspected it because she didn't seem at _all_ surprised.” She shrugs and reaches for the door again. “I just… I thought you should know and it's not- it's not like you and Jen talk anymore, so...”

Jared nods and throws his door open, moving around to the back of the truck for Ally's things. Without a word, he helps her transfer her bags into the house, trading half-hearted Merry Christmases at the door.

A half-baked plan is already starting to form in Jared's head as he gets back into his truck and starts for home. He wonders what Jensen would do, what he would say, if Jared just showed up...

Jared pulls up to the curb in front of his house and grabs his two bags from the bed before rushing up the front walk and banging through the door.

“Whoa,” his mother says, dodging one of his bags as it crashes to the floor in the living room where she's been waiting for him by the window. “What's your hurry, kiddo?”

“I, um, I have to go to Chicago.” He digs his wallet out of back pocket and heads down the hall towards the computer in his parents' office.

“Jared?” Sherri follows after him and stops in the doorway. “What?”

“I'm gonna go see Jensen.”

“Kind of last minute.”

“I have to. He- We haven't spoken since his accident, Mom, and I can't-” He takes a deep breath and double-clicks on the Netscape Navigator icon.

Sherri steps further into the room, crosses to the desk to stand behind Jared. “Why didn't you say anything, JT?”

“Because I didn't-” He doesn't know how he's supposed to tell his mother this. “I kissed him,” he says quietly, just needing to get it out.

“I knew you boys were close,” she finally says, hand on his shoulder squeezing gently.

“No. He didn't- It wasn't like that. But I think it could be, now.” He hopes he's making some sort of sense because there's no way he can tell her he thinks he might be in love with his estranged best friend and probably has been for the better part of the four years they've known each other.

“So, Chicago?”

Jared smiles gratefully. “Yeah.”

“Let me get my wallet.”

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jensen's in the Sullivan Gallery arranging his pieces on the wall he was assigned for the end-of-semester exhibit. He and Mike get the 36”x48” black and white photograph of Tom on the El mounted on the wall. The pressure in the gallery changes, a frigid draft sweeping through the room, when the front door opens as Jensen takes a seat on the floor next to Mike and looks up at his photos. “Is that you, Misha?” Mike asks, flopping onto his back and looking towards the entryway. He kicks a foot out and shoves at Jensen's knee.

“What?” Jensen turns his head to look over his shoulder, expecting a coffee-less Misha, but Misha (bundled up in layers upon layers including at least one sweatshirt, what looks to be two crocheted scarves with clashing color palettes, a Davy Crockett-esque trapper's hat, bright green mittens with googly eyes glued to them that he'd found at Salvation Army, and a faux-fur trimmed parka and boots more suited to the Arctic) has a tray in his mittened hands with two coffees in it. And a shivering Jared trailing behind him. He scrambles to his feet the second the shock wears off. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought you the coffee you asked for,” Misha says, holding up the tray, voice muffled by his scarves. He looks from Jensen to Mike on the floor, then back to Jensen before following Jensen's gaze over his shoulder. “ _Oh._ You mean _him._ I found him hanging around the dorm looking for you.”

Mike sits up. “Is this...?”

Jensen glances down at his friend and roommate, thoughts swirling through his head just as fast as the nausea is rolling in his stomach. “Yeah. Um. We're done here, for now, so if you want to go...”

“Uh, yeah. Okay. I'll see you later.” Mike grabs his bag from the floor and catches hold of Misha's sleeve, dragging him towards the door.

“Hey!” Misha yells indignantly, stumbling backwards. “See you later, Jen!” he calls as he disappears around the corner. “It was nice meeting you, Jared!”

“Thanks for the coffee!” Jared calls back.

Jensen shoves his hands into his pockets, watching Jared shudder in front of him as he sips at his coffee, fighting to look Jared in the eye. “What are you doing here, Jared?” he asks again.

Jared's staring past him at the photo of Tom. “That's your boyfriend, right?” he asks.

To say Jensen's surprised would be an understatement. “Who-”

“I saw Ally's pictures from Thanksgiving yesterday. From when Chris and Steve played that gig. There were a couple pictures of you and him and Ally told me... She said he was your boyfriend.”

Yesterday. Jared must've taken the first flight out he could afford to get here and that thought makes Jensen's heart tighten in his chest with something that feels suspiciously like hope. “Yeah, he is. Kind of. Was. I mean, he's in New York now, so we're not really... _together._ ”

They're both silent for a long time, just the sounds of the traffic moving through the foot of snow outside and the heat kicking in filling the space where so many words go unsaid. Jared fidgets nervously, looks like he wants to move closer. “Why him?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don't-”

“I _kissed_ you and you didn't-” Jared interrupts, shakes his head, and looks away. His knuckles are stark white against the chapped redness of his hands from clenching his coffee cup so tight.

“You said it was a mistake.”

Jared shakes his head again, nearly violently. “I _never_ said that. I said I was _drunk._ ”

Jensen takes a step forward, can't believe this is happening, now, _here_ of all places. “I tried to talk to you about it but you kept avoiding me.”

“I thought you were gonna tell me we couldn't be friends anymore after what I did. Ended up that way anyway, didn't it?” His bright hazel eyes finally rise to Jensen's face and he holds Jensen's gaze. “I thought you were disgusted by the fact that I messed around with Chad and then I hear that you've got a _boyfriend._ ”

“I wanted to, Jay,” Jensen tells him, moving even closer. He's pretty sure he knows what Jared's trying to say – why else would he have come all this way? “When you kissed me? I wanted to kiss you back. You don't know how bad I wanted it. But you surprised me. I had _no idea_ you wanted it, too.”

Jared laughs and rubs at his face with one of his hands. “All this time.”

Jensen knows exactly what he means, takes a couple more steps and finds himself standing right in Jared's personal space, less than a foot between them. “So, what now?”

Jared grins blindingly bright, a smile Jensen hasn't seen in so long he almost forgot how beautiful it is. “We're on the same page now, right?”

“I think so,” Jensen says, feels himself smiling back, feels something like a weight lifting off his shoulders.

“Good. So, if I kiss you again, you're gonna kiss me back?”

Jensen doesn't answer him, just crushes his mouth to Jared's, mindful of the coffee between them, and grips Jared's sweatshirt tight. Jared responds immediately, tongue licking past Jensen's parted lips. And, God, it's everything Jensen had thought it would be. Under the sweetness of mocha he can taste Jared and it's a good couple of breath-stealing minutes before he pulls away and rests his forehead against Jared's stubble-rough cheek. “God, Jay.”

Jared's coffee-cup-free hand go to Jensen's hip and holds on. “Three years.”

“At least.” Jensen backs up a step and disentangles himself from Jared. “So.”

“Yeah.” He somehow looks even more nervous now than he had when he'd followed Misha in like a lost puppy.

“Do you, um, have anywhere to go?”

Jared shakes his head. “No. I came right here from the airport. Well, not _here_ \- Your dorm, where Misha found me.”

“So you want to come back with me?” Jensen asks, reaching for his bag. “We can talk some more? Maybe find you something dry to put on?”

Jared glances down at his sodden jeans, the puddle around his feet on the floor where the snow's melted off his boots. “Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.”

Jensen grabs Jared's hand and can't resist pressing a kiss to his mouth before dragging him towards the door.

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jared feels only    
_  
slightly   
_   
like a creepy stalker as he watches Jensen from across the room, ducking around and behind the guests crowded between them in the normally large, but suddenly vast, space. It feels like there's an ocean of people between them. Grabbing a glass of the fruit punch Jeff had only worked up the courage to spike fifteen minutes ago, Jared follows after Jensen, out of the formal dining room and into the living room.

 

Classic Christmas standards play softly through the sound system in the entertainment center, quiet enough to be spoken over without raised voices but loud enough that Jared can clearly hear Frank Sinatra telling him to have himself a “merry little Christmas.” If he could just track Jensen down and get him to stay still for a few minutes, he totally would. Instead they've resorted to this weird hide-and-seek, cat-and-mouse kind of dance that's making Jared more frustrated than anything as his left palm sweats from clutching the mistletoe too tightly.

 

Jensen meets his gaze as he glances over his shoulder, passing between Mr. Thomas and Mr. Lane in the hallway as they discuss stocks and the economy, and nods towards the kitchen.

 

Jared clears the hall in time to watch Jensen sneak through the back door onto the deck. He gets held up by Mrs. Lane – why, yes, he    
_  
did   
_   
arrange the nativity in the front yard and of    
_  
course   
_   
he's willing to help out with her last minute-decorations. His escape depends solely on his ability to comply as quickly as possible. A promise of, “I'll be there bright and early at nine tomorrow,” and a flash of dimples for good measure, has him sidling by and he rounds the center island to make a beeline for the door. After a quick glance around the room, Jared slides his empty punch glass onto the counter and stealthily sneaks outside.

 

Jensen's already down in the yard, the glow of the white Christmas lights Jared had spent most of yesterday afternoon twisting around and in between the slats in the deck railings just barely illuminating his features. He nods, again, towards the side gate and slowly backs away in that direction.

 

Jared's halfway down the stairs when his mother appears at the bottom of them. An amused smile curves her mouth. “Where you off to, JT?”

 

Jared scans the nearly empty yard. “I was just...”

 

“Skipping out on the party?” She doesn't look at all upset. “Don't stay out all night. And be careful.” She climbs the few stairs between them and kisses his forehead. A gentle thumb swipes the smear of waxy lipstick from his brow. “Now get. Go have some fun.” She gives him a little shove and tosses over her shoulder, when Jared's almost to the gate, “Tell Jensen 'Merry Christmas' for me.”

 

Jared swears he can hear her silent, diabolical-mom laughter as she simultaneously hits on his secret and embarrasses him. He blushes and the whole awkward situation only serves to make his feet move a little bit faster and he's nearly jogging down the narrow stepping-stone paved walkway his dad and Jeff had installed the summer after Jeff's freshman year of college. As he rounds the front porch, he can clearly see the dark silhouette of Jensen's body seated on the front steps of his own house. Jared picks up his pace that much more as he crosses the street.

 

Jensen's on his feet, crushes his mouth to Jared's once he's within reach (mistletoe completely unnecessary), and grabs hold of Jared's wrist to pull him into the house.

 

Jared willingly follows wherever Jensen leads him – it's the first time they've really, truly been alone since Jensen watched him board his plane in Chicago. He pauses at the top of the stairs and kisses Jensen hard, with teeth and tongue and every bit of desperate need he can convey with his mouth.

 

Jensen breaks away with a gasp, fingers wound deep in Jared's hair. “Gonna kill me,” he pants, tugs gently on the soft strands in his loose grasp, and starts down the hall towards his room. He doesn't bother with the light, just keeps on pushing Jared backwards until they tumble down onto the mattress together.

 

Hands moving around Jensen's slim hips and over the hot, smooth skin of his back, Jared shoves up Jensen's sweater, tugs it over his head with a crackle of static electricity. “Been waiting to do this for   
_  
ever   
_   
,” Jared says distractedly as he flips them over, gets Jensen on his back, gets the fly of Jensen's khaki slacks open and his hand inside.

 

Jensen's hips arch off the mattress into Jared's touch. “God, Jay. Want your-    
_  
fuck   
_   
\- want your mouth on me.”

 

“Shit,” Jared curses against the fluttering pulse beneath the thin skin of Jensen's throat. “Yeah. Yeah.” He trails his mouth down Jensen's torso, pausing only briefly to tongue and nip at Jensen's nipples and trace his bellybutton with a teasing lick. Jared's teeth scrape over the jut of Jensen's left hipbone as he moves even lower, settles on his knees between Jensen's drawn-up legs. He's done this a few times, but he pushes the memories to the back of his mind, tries to forget that this,    
_  
their   
_   
first time, isn't    
_  
his   
_   
first time. It probably isn't Jensen's, either, he realizes. But he can't dwell on that, not with Jensen bared below him, chest rising and falling with his panted breaths, pretty cock all flushed and leaking.

 

Jensen inhales sharply when Jared descends on him, swallows him down as far as he can manage, swollen head bumping the back of Jared's throat. “   
_  
Jay   
_   
,” Jensen whimpers, hips rising from the mattress.

 

Jared moans in reply, pulling off of Jensen's dick, lapping at the pearl of precome that drips from the slit. Abruptly, he sits up on his knees and makes quick work of the button and zipper of his dress pants. Jensen's hands catch at the waistband, shove the pants down Jared's thighs as Jared pulls his own sweater off. He gracelessly collapses on top of Jensen, all but tackling him to the sheets, once he's naked. “I- Jensen. Jen, I want- want you inside of me,” he stutters against Jensen's ear, slotting their cocks together and rolling his hips down slowly.

 

Jensen tenses under the hard press of Jared's body, one hand stilling in Jared's hair, the other at the small of his back. “Are- are you sure?”

 

Nodding, Jared moves so he's straddling Jensen's hips, spreads himself open for the questing hand poised at the bottom of his spine. “Wanted it for so long.” His teeth catch and worry at Jensen's earlobe, tongue snaking out to graze the sensitive skin.

 

That seems to be all the prompting Jensen needs. He blindly reaches for his bedside table, nearly pulls the drawer right off its runners in his haste to open it, and has lube-slick fingers trailing wetly from Jared's balls to his twitching hole in seconds. Jensen circles his index finger around the fluttering muscle slowly, around and around and around, waits until the exact moment Jared's relaxed before he pushes the digit in up to the first knuckle.

 

Jared crushes his mouth to Jensen's, closes his teeth over that full bottom lip and swipes his tongue over the swollen flesh, rocks back into Jensen's hand.

 

They're both covered in a fine sheen of sweat when Jensen pulls his fingers from Jared's entrance and climbs to his hands and knees as they trade positions. Jensen pushes Jared's damp bangs away from his eyes with a gentle touch and places his hand over Jared's heart as he settles between his thighs. He leans forward and presses a soft, closed-mouth kiss to Jared's lips. “I love you,” he whispers, face hovering close enough that Jared feels cross-eyed just trying to meet his gaze. “You know that, right?”

 

Jared nods, slides his hands up Jensen's sides as he returns the kiss. “I love you, too.” The moment stretches on, trading slow kisses and tender touches, then the head of Jensen's cock grazes Jared's hole and reignites the urgency he'd felt only a few short minutes ago. “Jensen,” he sighs. “Need you.”

 

“Yeah. Okay.” With another brief kiss, Jensen rocks back to sit on his heels and roll on a condom. He squeezes a little more lube onto his fingers and slicks himself up, leans forward again to brace himself on one hand while the other guides his cock to Jared's waiting hole.

 

Jared forces himself to relax at the hot press of Jensen's blunt head against his entrance, lets his knees drop a little further apart and breathes out slowly.

 

“You're doing so good, Jay,” Jensen says, voice strained. “So good.”

 

Nodding, Jared focuses on the feel of Jensen's hand stroking his hip soothingly and not the burn of the stretch as he pushes inside of him. The ache only persists for a handful of breaths after their bodies are flush and he tilts his pelvis up experimentally, Jensen sliding deeper into him and glancing off something that causes a jolt of pleasure to spark through his entire body. “Oh,    
_  
God.   
_   
”

 

“You okay?” Jensen's brow is furrowed worriedly above his lust-dark eyes.

 

“Mmhmm,” Jared manages on an exhale. “Gotta move, Jen.”

 

Slowly, Jensen pulls out, head hanging low between his arms, shaky breath gusting over Jared's ear. “Fuck, Jay.”

 

“Come on. You're not gonna hurt me.” He cranes his head forward to press a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss to the side of Jensen's neck.

 

Jensen thrusts back in with a hard snap of his hips that makes them both groan, draw ragged breaths as he drags back out and slams back home.

 

Jared's delirious with the pleasure coursing through him, a nonsensical litany punctuated with, “Jen, Jen, Jen,” falling from his slack mouth. It's a short matter of minutes before he pulses hot and slick between their bodies.

 

“Oh, God. Shit.    
_  
Jay.   
_   
” Jensen's hips stutter as he begins thrusting erratically, constantly grazing that fantastic bundle of nerves buried deep within Jared. “Oh. Oh, God.”

 

Jared feels the slightest change of pressure inside of himself as Jensen stills and tenses above him, just the slightest rocking of hips as he comes, bruised lips parted wide on a silent cry. Jared struggles to get an arm beneath him to lean up on an elbow and lick a kiss into Jensen's open mouth. They fall against each other, no space between them to tell where one begins and the other ends, just a tangle of sweat-slick and come-sticky skin.

 

Jensen buries his face in Jared's neck and sighs.

 

Jared wraps himself around Jensen, holds him close, and, blissfully sated, falls asleep.

 

 **  
\----------   
**

 

“Happy birthday, boyfriend,” Jared greets him the moment Jensen answers his dorm room phone.

 

“What if it was Mike that answered?” Jensen counters.

 

“From what I've heard of your roommate, either he's never there or not up this early. Process of elimination leaves only you to answer the phone. Unless there's somebody else staying in your room that I don't know about.”

 

“No, nobody else. And thanks.”

 

“You're welcome.” Jared's smile is audible and Jensen can hear his smugness. “So. What are your plans for the day?”

 

Jensen drops another text book into his backpack and shuffles around a sheaf of loose papers until he finds the notebook he's looking for. “Just class. Might walk around the city and take some pictures this afternoon if it stays sunny.”

 

Jared makes a sound of agreement. “What class have you got?”

 

“Lighting fundamentals.”

 

“Oh. What time are you done for the day?”

 

“Around three or four. Why?”

 

“Maybe I want to talk to you some more.”

 

Jensen can hear the defensive hedging in Jared's voice. “Uh huh.”

 

“Maybe I want to    
_  
phone sex   
_   
you.”

 

The exasperation and slight embarrassment with which Jared says the words make Jensen laugh aloud. “You want to phone sex me?”

 

“Yes. Think of it as something to tide you over until your real birthday present gets there. I really am surprised you haven't gotten it yet – I sent it out, like, on Tuesday last week.”

 

“I'm sure it'll be here soon.” He glances at the clock.

 

“Well, I'm sure you've got to get to class. I'll talk to you later, okay?”

 

“Yeah. Bye, Jay.”

 

“Bye. I love you.”

 

Jensen rolls his eyes at the sing-song tone Jared uses. “Love you, too, you big dork.”

 

“I love you more!” Jared blurts and promptly hangs up.

 

Jensen spends the rest of the day with a stupid grin on his face that he can't get rid of no matter how hard he tries. He's looking forward to getting back to his dorm and a call from Jared. As soon as class is dismissed he makes quick work packing up his workspace and is out of the room before everybody else.

 

The cordless phone is ringing on Jensen's desk as he's pushing through the door. His bag gets dropped into his chair as he reaches for the phone and answers it breathlessly.

 

“Jensen?” Jared asks curiously.

 

“Yeah. Hey.”

 

“Hi. You okay?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. How was your day?”

 

“Good. Yours?”

 

“Good.” Jensen moves to lock the door and kicks off his shoes at the foot of his bed. “So.” He works at getting out of his coat and drops it over the back of his desk chair before moving over to his unmade bed.

 

“So,” Jared echoes, amused.

 

“What are you wearing?” Jensen asks, dropping his voice into a cheesy level of huskiness.

 

Jared, predictably, laughs. “Assless chaps and a ten-gallon hat.”

 

“I wish.”

 

“Just jeans and an old UT hoodie. What about you?”

 

Jensen looks down at himself, the dull, white sweatshirt he's wearing with TEXAS arching across his chest in fraying, orange applique. “The same.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Nice.” Jared pauses and it sounds like he switching the phone from one hand to the other. “Wanna know what I'd do to you if I were there right now?”

 

“Yeah, Jay. Tell me.”

 

“I'd kiss you and push your shirt up so I could kiss your stomach, that little cluster of freckles beneath your ribs. Then I'd undo the button on your jeans...pull down the zipper real slow. You'd be hard for me already, dick pushing at your underwear, gettin' 'em wet.”

 

Jensen undoes the fly of his jeans and palms his hardening cock through the thin cotton of his briefs. “Then what?”

 

“I'd suck at the head of your dick through your underwear until all I could taste is you.”

 

“Fuck, Jay. Yeah. Want you to suck me.” He's swollen and leaking in the tight grip of his fist, pumps himself a couple of times to spread around the slickness.

 

“I would, Jen. Swallow you down until you're begging me to let you come.”

 

“   
_  
God   
_   
. Yeah.” Jensen's slowly stripping his dick with the sense-memory of Jared's mouth on him, the way he works his tongue and the slight graze of teeth he likes to use to drive Jensen wild. He's close – so, so close – almost there. A sudden knock on the door startles him enough that the phone cradled between his ear and shoulder as he reclines against his pillow on his bed falls to the floor with a clatter. Jensen swipes his precome damp palm on the thigh of his jeans as he reaches for the phone with one hand and tugs up his underwear and jeans with the other. “Shit, Jay, somebody's at the door.”

 

“Yeah? Maybe you should answer it.”

 

“What?!” He doesn't even try to hide his surprise.

 

“Yeah, Jen. You should totally answer your door.”

 

“But, Jay-”

 

“Right now.”

 

Jensen hesitates. Something is off. “Jared?”

 

“Open the door.” He sounds as breathless as Jensen was when he'd first answered the phone.

 

Phone still pressed to his ear, Jensen goes to the door, shaking hand reaching for the deadbolt. The moment it clicks, the doorknob twists, then the door is swinging open. Jensen isn't sure if he should be laughing or hitting Jared, so he settles for both, tossing the phone onto his cluttered desk and launching himself out the door. He playfully hits Jared's shoulder with his fist before wrapping both of his arms around his neck. “You're such a jerk,” he says, words muffled against Jared's neck.

 

Jared shrugs, smirking. “You love me anyway.”

 

Jensen shakes his head, kisses that smug look right off Jared's face. “You better get in here and finish what you started before I do it myself.”

 

“Gladly,” Jared laughs and follows Jensen back into his room, closing and locking the door behind himself.

 

 **  
\----------   
**

  
Jared's sitting on the front porch of his parent’s house, waiting for Jensen. They'd talked around ten this morning when Jensen had left Memphis, and again when he stopped at his grandparents' in Dallas for a late lunch - he told Jared he'd be back in San Antonio within the next few hours. So Jared stands and stretches, slowly draws in a deep breath of dry, late spring air laden with the fragrance of the bluestar, honeysuckle, and wisteria in his mother's garden as he walks out to the curb to look up and down the street for Jensen's car before heading back to the stairs to sit. He rolls the rectangular box between his palms and continues to wait.

Fifteen minutes later, headlights cut through the dim twilight of their quiet street and Jared climbs back to his feet. The squealing of the transmission alerts him that it's Jensen a block and a half before the car pulls up in front of the Ackles' house. Jared's already on his way across the road.

Jensen doesn't even get the door closed before he finds himself wrapped up in Jared's strong arms. “Hi.”

Jared laughs as he kisses him – it's been too long since they last saw each other. “Hey. I got you something.” He holds the rectangular box out to Jensen. “Here.”

Jensen closes the car door and leans against it, finger slipping beneath the dark blue wrapping paper. He laughs aloud and smiles at Jared when the paper starts to fall away. It's a disposable camera. He advances the film and snaps a picture from Jared, without aiming, from less than a foot away. “Jay.”

“What?” Jared grins at him and steals the camera back. “Here.” He leans in and kisses Jensen, arm stretched out as far as he can reach to capture the both of them. “So you can remember this moment when you have to go back.”

“Actually...” Jensen smirks, pulls Jared close. “Did you know there's an Art Institute in Austin?”

“You're transferring?” Jared asks, disbelief evident in his voice as he pulls away just enough to see Jensen's face.

“Yeah. Now we don't have to spend any more time apart.”

Jared doesn't think he's ever heard better news or been happier than he is right now, save for when Jensen kissed him in Chicago. He kisses Jensen again, and again. “Don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of this.”

“Good. 'Cause I'm not.” He threads his fingers through Jared's and starts leading him towards the house. “Now, come on. We've got some lost time to make up for.”

Jared doesn't hesitate, simply follows after the best thing to ever walk into his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the art for this by keyweegirlie (on LJ) [here.](http://keywee-icons.livejournal.com/23900.html#cutid1)


End file.
